Enduring Hope: Racing for New Orleans

Susan's Race Report

2009-04-25T14:59:00.001-07:00

apologies for how long it’s taken for me to write this up and for how long it is. But, as I said before, this experience has become so much larger than what it is, it was hard not for me to find more meaning in it the more I thought about it. This is obscenely long. To summarize: I finished in 7:09 with no major injuries. I do hope you’ll read this through.

New Orleans

I knew I had started an adventure from the moment that Jocelyn picked me up from the airport. At 12:30 at night Jocelyn rolled up to the front of the airport to pick me and my boxed bike up. In her tiny four door hybrid.

I asked if the seats went down and she responded with a strangely calm “No.” After what I was almost certain would be a futile attempt, we managed to shove the box into her back seat, were it became very apparent that the box was wide than the car. By several inches on both sides. We did the awkward “Maybe if we angle it” trick for a few minutes before we finally settled on taking my deconstructed bike out of the box, putting it and the pieces in the back seat and taking apart and folding up the box so we could use it to return with.

The next few days were a whirlwind of race prep and errands. Picking up forgotten necessaries, putting the bike back together, going to the race orientation (where I was again warned of gators on the bike), seeing the progress of CIA’s projects and reconnecting with old friends. I also got to see my sister, niece and cousin who had conveniently scheduled their spring break in New Orleans. I also got to see Jocelyn, master multi-tasker, at her best. While I was there Jocelyn was also managing a skilled carpenter who was volunteering his time for Project Marlo, helping lead reflections for several high school groups who had come down to serve AND throwing CIA’s monthly First Fridays – open socials which bring folks from the community and recovery groups and double as both stress relief and amazing networking events. How she managed to do all of it well AND make sure every need I had was met AND take me to transition at 4:30am on race day, I’ll never know. Rest assured, every penny invested in CIA is resulting in 100x as much output!

There was a strange sense of homecoming about finally returning to the city I’d spent so much time. It had been almost two years since I’d been back to New Orleans and it felt odd to not be driving a 15 passenger van or supervising college students. At the same time, the noise, the people, the accents, the food – all felt like nothing had changed.

Race Day

After an unusually good night sleep for the night before a race, 4:30am saw Jocelyn and I watching inspirational ironman clips on YouTube (think eye of the tiger playing behind footage of impressive looking triathletes) before leaving for transition. It was still dark out as I racked my bike and laid out my gear which I’d checked over at least four times the day before. Meanwhile I looked around me and begin to wonder if I wasn’t in over my head. The NOLA Half-Ironman was the first domestic qualifier for the official Ironman series Half-Ironman championship. I was surrounded by people with fancier spandex, chiseled muscles, aerodynamic helmets and bikes that cost more than my student loans.

As I walked the 1.2 miles to the swim start (wow was that intimidating), I started to panic. Who was I kidding? Less than two years ago I had been smoking a pack of cigarettes every two days. I still didn’t run faster than a 9 minute mile unless something was chasing after me. I was out of my league and I wasn’t good enough. I was already preparing my “I didn’t finish…” speech in my head when the woman next to me patted me on the shoulder.

“Don’t look so nervous! You’ll be faster than me I promise!” She smiled up at me and introduced herself. Karen was a 5’3”, pudgy 45 year old mom of two who worked as a nurse. After the stress of Hurricane Gustav gave her a week’s worth of panic attacks, she had resolved to become “more unstoppable than a hurricane!” The Ironman seemed like her best option. “They’re gonna be faster than me,” She said gesturing to a groups of inhumanly in shape women walking in front of me. “But I’m not stopping. I’m gonna finish even if it takes me 10 hours. Even if they take my timing chip, I’m finishing.”

So maybe I’m not sponsored by Clif and I have a Big Gulp instead of six pack abs, I thought. I’m here to finish. As my dear friend Annie Selak reminded me ‘Do you know what they call the last place finisher of an Ironman?”

‘An Ironman.’

Swim

The sun had just started to come out as I zipped up my wetsuit and waded into Lake Ponchatrain with all the other 25-29 year olds. A whistle blew, I dove forward and my race began. Other than the fact that I was swimming in Lake Ponchatrain, where the city drained into after the Hurricane, it was perfect conditions. The temperature was perfect, there were no waves and the cloudy water kept me from getting a glare while I was sighting. Folks spread out early so I settled into an easy rhythm. To be honest, I actually enjoyed it. I thought of all the love and patience people had given me the past six months and how lucky I was to know so many fantastic and kind people. Before I knew it, I was wading out of the water. I glanced down at my watch – 45 minutes. A full 15 minutes faster than I’d thought I would take.

Bike
Part I

Energized by the swim, I transitioned to my bike, eager to get started. The sun had started to come out and it was turning into a beautiful day. After a few small tours, I got onto one of the main straight away for the bike. The weather was perfect, the wind was a light breeze and I felt great. My cadence was high and I was going 20mph. I felt giddy – the ride seemed ideal. Everyone else seemed to be having a great ride as well. People cheered as I passed them – one guy yelled “Who needs aerobars? You’re kicking ass!” – and folks were chatting and encouraging each other.

Although you aren’t supposed to ride too close to each other, you end up talking to a lot of people on the bike as you pass them or ride ahead of them. More and more I began to realize that everyone had a story. A woman who survived Cancer. A man who had just lost his job but not his spirit. A college student who, 5 years earlier could barely walk after a car accident. A grandfather who swore he’d get his cholesterol down so he could see his grandkids graduate. A woman who had just last week moved back into her house after being displaced by Katrina.
Heartbreak. Loss. Faith. Renewal. Determination. It was all out there, cranking those pedals, slowly covering those miles. I felt lighter than I had in months. The sun was out, I was doing something I loved and I was surrounded by amazing people. I had an experience of joy that I hadn’t known in months and I thought of something my spiritual director had said to me a few weeks ago. “You do anger very well Susan. You acknowledge it, you don’t hide it, you don’t take it out on people and you channel it to do good. But you do joy much better.”

Part II
I remember hearing a man yell over my shoulder as I pedaled away from a water stop “Just 20 more miles to go!” My excitement at being over halfway done allowed me to ignore a slight queasiness I was feeling (most likely from too much gatorade-esque fluids and not enough water). I turned off of highway 11 and into headwinds.

15 mph headwinds that continued to barrel down at me for the next 20 miles.

It’s a demoralizing feeling to look down at your bike computer and see that even as you are doing your best with tired legs, you’re still barely hitting 14 miles per hour. And just as that joy on the first half of the ride did, a malaise seemed to descend over everyone. No one was talking. No one was shouting random compliments. We were on a barren stretch of bayou road with only the sun, the pavement, the damnable wind and each other for company. People were blatantly drafting each other (which is illegal in triathlons) just to move forward.

I started counting down miles on my odometer one by one. A nerve in my left arm started tweaking and shot bursts of pain straight from my wrist to my shoulder on and off. My thighs had started to twitch uncontrollably as I road up to what should have been the last water stop, ten miles before end of the bike course.

What should have been. A teenager in a green shirt yelled an apology “We ran out of water!” as some of us started to slow down. To call water stops crucial is like calling the Pope a Catholic. My mouth was sticky. I’d had too many Clif Shot Bloks and not enough water. I was tired, my legs hurts, something was wrong with my left hand and this wind, this F&%ING wind, hadn’t stopped. I saw road support loading a guy who looked like he had heat exhaustion on to a truck. For a moment all I could think was “I get on that truck. I go back to transition and call it a day. I’ve already done almost two-thirds of this race. No one will think less of me. I’m tired.”

The real test of endurance races is not a physical one. How fast you can run has nothing to do with what really matters in these races. Every day of training – every run in the rain, every fall on the bike – is a preparation for the moment when every fiber of your being wants to stop. Not just a fleeting burst of pain or fatigue but that soul crushing sense of being finished in every aspect of your person.

What I’ve learned over the past year is that it is in that moment that you prove yourself – not at the finish. It has nothing to do with your physical body and everything to do with who you are at your core. In those moments you move forward because of shear will power alone.

The thing that kept me riding into those headwinds for those last 20 miles wasn’t my nice Cannondale, my clip in shoes or the countless hours I’d logged on the bike. It was the same thing that kept me from giving up on even the worst of my students in Wheeling. It was the same thing that kept me showing up to work everyday in JVC even though I worked at a place where no one got better and nothing got “fixed.”

I was moving forward because of who I was, who God had made me to be. It had nothing to do with my physical capabilities.

I could stop. I could get off my bike. But that wasn’t who I was. “The Pretender” by the Foo Fighters echoed in my head.

“What if I say I'm not like the others?
What if I say I'm not just another pawn in your games?
You're the pretender.
What if I say I will never surrender?”

I thought of everyone I knew who had quit on me and the people I love. The ones who bailed when things stopped being fun. The cheaters, the liars, the fakes - and how I would never be one of them. I would never give up on the important things; never back out on the people who needed me. I would stay faithful. I would keep listening for God. I would endure.

I stared down my demons and crushed all the fear I’d had of who I might someday become. In that moment, I knew I’d achieved what I was meant to. I still needed to finish the race, but I was already an Ironwoman.

Run

I rolled into transition on the bike after 3 hours and 20 minutes – ten minutes shorter than I thought I would take, but still tired and frustrated by the bike. I saw my first spectators – Jocelyn and Jamie (her student intern/general minion) and headed into transition. I dropped to the ground with a thud, thankful not to be sitting on a bike saddle anymore. I switched shoes, put on my visor and used the port-o-potty. What I didn’t remember to do was put on my sun screen, which I would be sorry for later.

As I walked out of the transition, the woman next to me said, “Do we really have to do this?” and I responded, “I keep waiting for them to yell ‘Just kidding!’ and hand me my medal.”
I had been dreading the run, not only because I HATE running, but because I was worried about being the only person walking especially given how hard core the majority of this crowd was. To my consolation, I saw that as soon as I got onto the course, most folks were trotting by at a very slow pace. Every now and then, someone would sail past, but sure enough they had an “R” written on the back of their left shin and not their age. R was for relay. They only did the run.

It’s hard to describe the run. I was doing a 7 – 2 system. Run at least seven minutes and then walk two, running longer when I could. I was on the course for 2 hours and 45 minutes (told you I’m slow) but it did not feel that long. Every moment was an internal struggle. I passed hours simply doing things like telling myself not to look at my watch until I passed that tree or just run 45 more seconds. The miles passed. I turned and began to run down the beautiful shaded City Park.

At mile 7, I hit my physical low point of the race. Suddenly I was overcome with nausea. I staggered into a walk and started to dry heave. I knew if I stopped moving, I’d never start again so I threw my arms on top of my head and walked, sweat pouring down my face. I must have walked a half mile before the feeling subsided and I started to jog again.

My cheering sections on the run were fantastic. I saw Jocelyn and Jamie again at mile 6 and Emily and Lauren, friends from New Orleans at mile 9 and 11. They were decked out with signs, purple wigs and Emily even jogged part of the race with me. At mile 10, just I turned on to Esplanade, I saw my sister, niece, cousin and a swarm of some of my former students at Wheeling who have moved to the NOLA area. Seeing them perked me up enough that I ran for a longer stretch than I had in miles (which was still only for a bout 5 minutes, but hey, you take what you can).

Finally the last three miles passed and I turned onto Decatur, one of the busiest streets in the French Quarter. The streets were packed with cheering families, drunk frat boys and confused tourists who weren’t sure if this much spandex was normal for New Orleans or not.

I jogged across the finished line and someone handed me a very shiny medal. Everything seemed to slow down for a moment as I looked over my shoulder at the finished line. It didn’t feel like I’d been movement myself forward through my own power for 7 hours and 9 minutes. It didn’t feel like I’d just accomplished the thing I’d been training 6 days a week for 6 months for. I felt great. It felt surreal. But it didn’t feel over.

And so maybe that why as Jocelyn was jumping up and down and screaming “70.3 Freaking Miles!!” I smiled and said, “Want to do it again next year?”

Because it’s not over. The city still rebuilds, the people still face challenges. Every achievement is amazing. Every family moved back in and every new daycare center are massive milestones and cause for celebration, but none of them are the final word as the city continues to renew and continues to need us.

And so it is with us. Every achievement no matter how great or small isn’t the last word on a life. There is still more to endure. There is still more laughter. God is still calling us to love and be loved– yesterday, today and every day for the rest our lives. And so we press forward in hope, knowing a little more about who we really are with every mile.

To close five LONG pages, I just want to say a humble thank you to everyone who has been on this journey with me. Your love and prayers have kept me afloat and kept me going in the darkest of days. When I came back to get my cell phone after I finished my race I had 22 text messages and 17 missed calls. I have never felt so surrounded in love as I have during this experience and I am deeply, profoundly and speechlessly grateful. You have been my “cloud of witness” as I’ve run this race and my experience of grace alive and at work in my life.

“We continually remember before our God your work of faith, labor of love and endurance inspired by hope in our Lord Jesus Christ.” 1 Thess 1:3

Unitard Pictures

2009-04-25T11:25:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the delay friends - but here are the unitard pictures. One will be selected, signed and mailed to all the great folks who donated.

As Promised....

2009-04-07T22:26:00.000-07:00

Because when you've given all then you give your dignity

Thanks for giving! Enjoy Susan in class with her unitard!

Susan is my hero!

2009-04-05T19:39:00.000-07:00

Official Time: 7:09.

Swim: 46 minutes
Bike: 3:20 (she obviously would have been faster if it weren't for the headwinds for the last 20 miles...)
Run: 2:45 (she was tired... and you try running a half marathon after competing for 5 hours!)

1796 out of 2800 plus competitors.
454th out of 644 women.

Susan was greeted by numbers of folks including: Jamie Broussard (Jocelyn's volunteer who got roped into this), Audrey Stewart and Gabe and Dominic Stewart-Guido (local friends of CIA), Emily Bussen (Jesuit Volunteer in New Orleans when Susan was in Houston), Lauren Pelascini (Emily's roommate and fantastic purple wig-wearing friend!), Beth Blasiak (former Wheeling student and current New Orleans nurse at University Hospital), Sara Brown (former Wheeling student and currently working at Bering Omega Community Services (her and Susan's previous JV placement), Jess Blissit (for Wheeling studnet and current Habitat for Humanity-Slidell AmeriCorps volunteer... going on 2 years), Andy Nilson (for Wheeling student, lived in the Mother Jones House that Susan worked for/with, currently works for Habitat for Humanity -Slidell), Kristen and Cecilia Buecker (Susan's sister and niece respectively), Carie Long (Susan's cousin), Geoffrey Hennies (current CIA tech guru), Dan Quigley (current volunteer carpenter with CIA) and a group of 25 high school boys from Xavier High School in New York (a CIA Thoughtful Response Team of volunteer group) that greeted Susan at the finish line.

Thank you Susan! Your endurance inspires us to persist in our work and our ministry. Thanks for bringing us along on this wonderful journey of faith and action...

Today is the day!

2009-04-05T05:52:00.000-07:00

It's 7:52am and Susan's wave of racers begins their swim! I can't believe it... 6 months of preparation coupled with a lifetimes worth of pain, suffering, joy, heartache, success, faith...

Pray for Susan as she swims for the next hour...
Pray for Susan as she bikes from approximately 9am-12:30pm...
Pray for Susan as she runs from Approximately 12:30-3pm...

We also ask you for your continued prayers for our schools and our children...
our hospitals and all those under of un-insured...
our churches and those who offer social services to many of our poor...

Endurance isn't just about today... it's about all those moments that have taken us up to today and that will move us along past today and into a better way, a better life, a better tomorrow.

Just Swim

2009-04-03T14:45:00.000-07:00

So I'm back in New Orleans for the first time in almost two years. It's been surreal to return to a place that's so close to my heart. I've gotten to spend most of the day with Jocelyn and her volunteer carpenter extraordinaire Dan. I've gotten to see the great progress they are making on Project Marlo (the poles look great guys!) as well as see how many services CIA offers to folks as well as how connected to the community they are. Jocelyn and Dan drove me through the Ninth Ward today so i could see some of the progress. Since my first trip down post Katrina in December 05', I've gone through (and sometimes worked in) the Ninth Ward. I've seen the initial detestation - buses on top of boats, houses lifted off foundations - the eerie quiet of an abandoned neighborhood - slabbed lots, silence on unmarked streets - and now the signs of life and rebuilding.

Sure there is still along way to go in this devastated neighborhood where only 19% have returned, but a school has been functioning there a little over a year and Brad Pitt's Make It Right Project is building like crazy! Already 6 totally green and safe house are up and residents are moved back in and construction is thriving on at least another 6.

It's a great reminder to me to always focus on the horizon - on what can be - even when progress seems slow. I'll need it, especially during the swim. With open water swims you can start out going fast and furious only to find you seem no nearer to the horizon than when you started. it's only when you settle in to a good steady (and sometimes seemingly slow) rhythm and focus that you move forward.

Which brings me to another song on my workout playlist. This one caught my attention for obvious reasons - could a triathlete not love a song about one of the three disciplines? - but I also love that it talking about moving forward even when days are dark, even when you aren't sure what you can hope it. So in the journey to run to something, not just from it, sometimes you just have to move forward even in the absence of sun...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wEGXlniaaug

"Swim"

You've gotta swim
Swim for your life
Swim for the music
That saves you
When you're not so sure you'll survive
You gotta swim
Swim when it hurts
The whole world is watching
You haven't come this far
To fall off the earth
The currents will pull you
Away from your love
Just keep your head above

I found a tidal wave
Begging to tear down the door
Memories like bullets
They fired at me from a gun
A crack in the armor
I swim to brighter days
Despite the absence of sun
Choking on salt water
I'm not giving in
I swim

You gotta swim
Through nights that won't end
Swim for your families
Your lovers your sisters
And brothers your friends
Yeah you've gotta swim
Through wars without cause
Swim for the lost politicians
Who don't see their greed as a flaw

The currents will pull us
Away from our love
Just keep your head above

I found a tidal wave
Begging to tear down the door
Memories like bullets
They fired at me from a gun
Cracking me open now
I swim to brighter days
Despite of the absence of sun
Choking on salt water
I'm not giving in
I'm not giving in
I swim

You gotta swim
Swim in the dark
There's no shame in drifting
Feel the tide shifting and wait for the spark
Yeah you've gotta swim
Don't let yourself sink
Just find the horizon
I promise you it's not as far as you think
The currents will drag us away from our love
Just keep your head above
Just keep your head above
Swim
Just keep your head above
Swim, swim
Just keep your head above
Swim

A Blessing for Susan and all those competing in New Orleans this weekend

2009-04-02T05:21:00.000-07:00

May the road rise to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back,
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
May the rain not fall upon your race,
May Pontchartrain’s trash not slow you down,
May images of muffalettas greet you at every turn,
May the alligators eat your dust,
And, until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of His hand.

This blessing was generously contributed by Jessica Mueller
and the folks at Shabbat House in Oakland, CA.

Down to the wire

2009-03-31T10:03:00.001-07:00

I can't believe it... the day is getting closer. Susan will be here late Thursday night, and she'll compete in the first-ever New Orleans IronMan 70.3! Amazing...

Thank you to all those who have continued to pray and race with us. Our PayPal account was up to $2,452.62 today! Keep it coming folks!

As we prepare for Susan's arrival, the following plans are in the works:

1. Our First Friday Social (a program that has been consistent since our founding) is scheduled for this Friday. We'll be throwing a pasta feed for Susan and hopefully getting more commitments from folks to cheer her on along the route just as she has heightened awareness of New Orleans and our efforts these past few years...

2. Talk about down to the wire. Our completed application for Federal Tax-Exemption has finally been filed. THANK GOD! We had up to 27 months since our incorporation to file... now it really is just a matter of months...

3. Dan Quigley is a student at University of Colorado at Boulder and has been volunteering with us for about a week and a half. He was practically born with a hammer in his hand and a carpenter's belt strapped to his waist! so... we are able to work when we either have money or have a skilled volunteer. Dan and I are hoping to finish putting a new fence up at one of our sites with Project Marlo, but yesterday we were told that we put our posts too far back... now we've got to dig them up and start over... oh well... I'm just glad our neighbor caught us now while the adjustments wouldn't be too drastic.

4. Anna and Marlo were touring Milwaukee and Chicago this past week and spent much time introducing Project Marlo to folks. These two must be beat with all the conversations they've had these past 10 days! On a related note, Anna was able to pick up a new-to-us truck in Ohio... so now instead of driving fence panels in my wonderful little hybrid, we've actually got our own truck!

5. Lastly, we've been trying to get momentum to actually have consistent events with our local kids. Some volunteers are hoping to organize Saturday events for a few neighborhoods. If you are at all curious as to why CIA would be interested, visit this site and take a moment to watch the story. not to be overly dramatic, but we have an opportunity to help a kid change his/her life around simply by being present and showing that we care.

All in all, we've been down to the wire with most things... and a little bit of hope goes a LONG way. So, thank you for your support, thank you for your friendship, most of all, thanks for racing with us and offering jolts of hope... and hopefully... that is what endures.

Running Away From, Running Towards...

2009-03-24T16:23:00.000-07:00

As it gets close and close to race day, I've been thinking about something my friend Kenny Buckler told me. He said that all endurance athletes are either running away from something or running towards something. The best and most whole of them are doing a little of both.

It's been easy for me to look at my "career' and see what I was running from. After all, the big push that started me running these races was a break up. I've been trying to out swim, out bike and out run my insecurities and demons for almost a year. I've made tons of progress in some parts of my life, but lately it's felt like I've hit a brick wall. What forward progress have I made?

Most folks know that my life is run by music. My life is on a soundtrack and without it, I'm only functioning at half capacity. I've been listening to the same exercise playlist (with a few changes) since last May. As I was going over the songs today, I realized that even my playlist was running away and toward something. The songs that had accompanied my runs and bikes for months had a flow to them. So in an effort to focus on the race I thought I'd share some of the songs that have been in my head for the last few months and what they mean to me:

The Pretender by the Foo Fighters

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DKhnmUdmz74

Keep you in the dark
You know they all pretend
Keep you in the dark
And so it all began

Send in your skeletons
Sing as their bones go marching in... again
The need you buried deep
The secrets that you keep are ever ready
Are you ready?
I'm finished making sense
Done pleading ignorance
That whole defense

Spinning infinity, boy
The wheel is spinning me
It's never-ending, never-ending
Same old story

[Chorus (x2):]
What if I say I'm not like the others?
What if I say I'm not just another one of your plays?
You're the pretender
What if I say I will never surrender?

In time or so I'm told
I'm just another soul for sale... oh, well
The page is out of print
We are not permanent
We're temporary, temporary
Same old story

[Chorus x2]

I'm the voice inside your head
You refuse to hear
I'm the face that you have to face
Mirrored in your stare
I'm what's left, I'm what's right
I'm the enemy
I'm the hand that will take you down
Bring you to your knees

So who are you?
Yeah, who are you?
Yeah, who are you?
Yeah, who are you?

Keep you in the dark
You know they all pretend

[Chorus x2]

[x2]
What if I say I'm not like the others?
(Keep you in the dark)
What if I say I'm not just another one of your plays?
(You know they all... pretend)
You're the pretender
What if I say I will never surrender?

So who are you?
Yeah, who are you?
Yeah, who are you?

I love this song not only because it's great to push you through that next hill but because it puts into words that feeling of needing to get away from the Pretenders in your life. Whether they are people or things, we've all got something we define ourselves against. I will not be like them. I will not do that. This song lets me scream in the face of all the betrayal and rejection that I'm "not like others." I will not quit. I will not be like you. And nothing proves you won't surrender like finishing a Half Ironman.

But its not enough not to be something. The question is who will you be? What are you running to?

Minor Trouble

2009-03-21T05:39:00.000-07:00

If you haven't already noticed, Susan's having some minor trouble getting logged back into her blog. Apparently, once you delete yourself, there's no chance for life after deletion.

Which made me think of second chances.

After having gone to the Bay Area, I came back to a hearty Spring Break destination of a city filled with Alternative Spring Breakers, VolunTourists, and lots of conference go-ers. We've tried to reclaim March as March Happy-ness, but it is difficult to stay on top of everything while group after group comes to help.

Last week we had about 100 Marquette students in town. Contemplatives in Action coordinated a trip for 14 of them through Campus Ministry. We had to chance to work, pray, play, and reflect with them. They experienced the value of community, listened to some Katrina storytellers, participated in many "green" recovery projects, and even enjoyed crawfish!

Then, a group of students from Immaculate Conception Academy visited with their campus minister, Sara Schulte, and their athletic director, my sister, Carolyn Sideco! They really did love their beignets! Now we've got St. Joe's Prep in Philadelphia... these high school boys have been coming for 3 years now! And DePaul University will be joining us tomorrow...

While all of this is good, I just think of how much better CIA can work to improve people's lives all throughout the year. Right now it's one week at a time through our teams of volunteers we call Thoughtful Response Teams. Meanwhile, all I can think about is our new retreat cottage, Health Improvement Center, Peace Garden, and Volunteer House.

But the reality remains. Money matters. So in order for our dreams to come true, we've been working with this former resident to renovate her properties. Her name is Marlo. As a retired nurse she decided to stay when Hurricane Katrina hit. She's donating the usage of her property to us if we help her manage the renovation projects.

This week she will be traveling to Milwaukee and Chicago to share her story. Visit Project Marlo if you are interested in learning more about how Contemplatives in Action is partnering with Marlo Stevens.

Marlo now lives in Little Rock, AR. She owns 4 properties and needs to renovate them so as not to contribute to more of the blight the city has. This Project is her chance in improving people's lives including her own.

This isn't far from the Resurrection we are about to celebrate in just 3 weeks. This belief that there is life after death is incredible.

Yet in the meantime, we are asked to continue to follow, continue to persevere, continue to endure, continue to hope...

Have you done something with your hair, Susan?

2009-03-06T21:57:00.000-08:00

Susan must've done something different with her hair... or perhaps it's her overwhelmingly fit physique. :-)

I got to briefly cross paths with Susan the other day in Oakland. Although I did notice her cool khaki navy-like pants with back pocket flaps, it's true I didn't pay her a compliment. I'm sorry, Susan... could you find it in your heart to forgive me?

I guess this moment could be likened to similar moments that I have with people in New Orleans right after I show them around. We are in the 44th month since Katrina and people who have come for the first time comment on how silent some neighborhoods are, how empty they seem, and how much work there is yet to do. All I want to say to them is, "if you think its eerily quiet and unkept now, you should've seen it years ago!"

We're getting into a pattern in New Orleans. We are attracting the usual suspects, volunteers who have come before. People have more and more stripes to add to their sleeves with each visit they make to come and see us. We have become a home away from home for so many people...

I got asked a question today during lunch when I chatted with students and faculty and staff at Santa Clara University. Michael asked how we define "recovery." "Is it to standards before the storm or is New Orleans re-defining itself?"

What a great question. I can hear residents answer in the affirmative for both options. Some just want to be back in their home, send their child to the same school, go to the same church with the same people. Others would say that this moment presents an opportunity for change for our communities and maybe our recovery is measured by the visible signs of innovation present in our neighborhoods.

I'd like to suggest that this recovery is more of a time for grief and healing. Recovery means navigating this newness gracefully despite the lack of external and visible signs of that change.

Can we be hopeful even if it's difficult to see visible transformation? I hope so...

So, Susan, regardless of whether or not I noticed your toned biceps, your commitment to running, swimming, and biking this race is the intangible promise that keeps me hopeful and optimistic about our recovery. Thanks for accompanying us and bringing your friends along for the ride.

Let us continue to pray for one another these days as we contemplate the mystery of Jesus' life, death and resurrection this Lenten Season.

30 days

2009-03-06T00:10:00.000-08:00

Wow - we've officially hit 30 days till race day. It's crazy to think that time has flown by so quickly. It seems like yesterday that I was flipping through my training folder thinking that 20 weeks seemed like forever....

Jocelyn and I got to cross paths briefly - she's out her doing some speaking engagements to promote CIA's good work and tell them about how thing are on the Gulf Coast. She had a speech at Santa Clara University tonight that I unfortunately couldn't be at because of prior commitments but I'm sure she wowed the crowd. I am a little hurt that she said nothing about my awesome biceps... It's like when you get your hair cut and no one notices.

As the crunch time descends, keep your eyes on the blog. I'll be posting more and there be an opportunity to own an amazing humiliating picture of me...

Fix your eyes.....

2009-03-02T23:35:00.000-08:00

I was out last weekend on a long bike ride on a looooong flat stretch of road in the suburbs of the Easy Bay. The sun was out for the first time in weeks and it seemed like every biker in the Bay Area was riding as well. By luck I ran into a gal I knew from the summer triathlon training. Since we'd biked this stretch a lot with training, we knew it well and started reminiscing. The road started to narrow and Jen asked, "Hey isn't this where that wierd rut is?"

Up ahead I could see it - a bizarre impefection in the asphalt, a groove out of the middle of nowhere just big enough for a bike tire to sink in and snag on. Right smack in the middle of the bike lane like some sort of cruel joke. It snagged and crashed enough cyclists on this stretch that we'd been warned about it almost everytime we went out on this ride.

"Yeah," I yelled up to Jen who was in front of me. "I bailed off my bike because of it last time." My shoulder still has a scar to prove it.

I could see it up ahead and it loomed larger and larger. Now one of the cardinal rules of cycling is that if there is something in the road you want to avoid hitting, look away or look to the side. Your bike follows your line of vision and you will run right into whatever you are looking at.

But I was stuck. I couldn't stop looking at the rut, couldn't stop thinking about hitting the pavement and skidding last time. I felt my muscles tighten and I seemed to give up all hope of being able to do anything BUT hit the rut. I was barreling straight for it and it kept getting closer and closer. Already in my head I was weighing the options of which side to try to fall on - falling to the right might screw up the gears on my still shiny new bike but failing left would have me fall on my iPod.....

Jen, who was ahead of me, snapped her head around and screamed back, "JUST DON'T LOOK AT IT!"

Shocked, I whipped my head up looked just left of the rut. I sailed past it with no mishaps.

The whole experience made me think about what I'm focused on - what I have my eyes fixed on. I have never been known to be one who lives in the prettier part of the garden and although some folks love and prize my pragmatism, I also struggle to be positive. More often than not I have walked through a worst case scenario for most parts of my life. Sure, it's helped me deal and be prepared for when life doesn't go the way I want, but all to often I find I get stuck assuming the catastrophe is the only outcome.

This Lent I've been asking myself what I'm focused on and how I choose to see the world. Am I looking for Christ in situtations easy and hard? Am I chosing to see hope - not fake optimism - but hope, the real potential for grace and goodness, in world and in my life?

What do I need to look away from? What do I need to look to?

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. - Hebrews 12:2

Ahhh.... Mardi Gras!

2009-02-24T14:48:00.000-08:00

Unlike Susan, I have NOT been MIA because I've been training... actually, we've had a couple groups in town to celebrate the festivities of Mardi Gras. So... just wanted to share two photos with you and a reflection:

1. The prized "throw" of the all-female krewe, Muses, is a decorated shoe... I got one!

2. Also at Muses, our friend, Gabe (who thinks I own a race car, by the way, and spends time at our house when he's sick) got a stuffed hair dryer. Muses' theme was "License to Swill."

And here's my reflection:

If we consider the values of Mardi Gras, we reflect on the colors and what they represent:

GOLD = Power

What is within my power to do when it comes to New Orleans?
my own city? my own family?

PURPLE = Justice

If you say justice 5 times fast, it sounds like "Just Us."

How do my actions influence how I treat others around me if all this life is about "just us."

GREEN = Faith

What is it I believe in and how do I live out of that hope?

Take some time to celebrate Mardi Gras today. Take some time to consider what that means for your life and for the lives of others...

p.s. If you are not on our mailing list, feel free to check out our latest e-newsletter, the Lifeline, by visiting http://contemplativesinaction.org/images/stories/mardigras2009.pdf.

Happy Fat Tuesday!

2009-02-24T13:37:00.001-08:00

Hey all! sorry you haven't heard much from me lately - i've been essentially training, eating and sleeping - I hit peak hours this week and last on training - about 12 a week.

Anyway, a quick thought about 70.3 - that magical number, the total mileage I'll be racing. If I was moving in a straight line as I swam, biked, ran 70.3 miles would take me

From Louisville to Lexington
From Berkeley to Santa Cruz
From Chicago to Racine
From Boston to Cape Cod

2009-02-14T04:52:00.000-08:00

Come on Over!

I just realized that perhaps some of you have not had the great fortune of coming over and seeing us yet... so, here are some pictures of our Headquarters.

Two things to mention today:
1. Marlo and Steve
2. agencies using our house

1. Marlo and Steve
These are two of our Katrina Storytellers. Both have survived Hurricane Katrina and the subsequent flooding. Both suffered great loss from property and belongings to death. And both had the chance to meet one another the other day.

Man! Were we loud! Marlo was working on the computer writing letters to friends of hers and Steve was copying DVDs for me. What a sight! These two were sharing "war" stories of Katrina from wounded legs to rising waters to rescue to faith in God. We had a porch experience in our work space/kitchen that afternoon. Chatting and laughing and sharing our faith.

As ridiculous as the situation was in the midst of my "work day," I have grown to appreciate these moments of healing when New Orleanians can both contribute what they've got and who they are and share in the contributions of others. These folks aren't looking for a handout... they are looking for company as they navigate this new life filled with change and uncertainty.

2. agencies using our house
I think it's paying off... our whole word of mouth bit... we've been here for 2.5 years now. We had a local non-profit working on housing advocacy over for an all day experience this past Friday, and the Office of Justice and Peace is hosting a retreat weekend this weekend.

Someone said last night, "I wasn't sure if this was the place to meet because I felt like I was walking into someone's house." That's exactly it! It is much more home-y than any meeting room, conference room, or even prayer room sometimes... it's a place where people can relax and care for one another.

So... I wanted you to see our house. I wanted you to be a part of the family experience we are a part of in New Orleans as we recover, rebuild, and revision our lives.

It takes a village....

2009-02-07T15:43:00.000-08:00

Hey all! I'm back from India and back into the school year. As Jocelyn mentioned before, six days after coming back to the states I ran (or more hobbled) the Kaiser Half Marathon on Super Bowl Sunday. It is to date, the longest I've run.

Although I sadly didn't see Carol, I felt prayer and support the whole time. After not being able to run much at all in India as I had hoped, I was worried about injuries, but thankfully had none. Specifically I was supported by my good friend from college Virginia Parrell. Virginia came out her on vacation from snowy Chicago, only to have me talk her into spending that time off running with me. Virginia, who is a fine runner, stayed with me at every step of the way and was essential to keeping me going. We were the obnoxious kids who spent the first four miles talking in silly voices and cracking inside jokes. Runner around us either hated or loved us - especially when one of us would start singing Eye of the Tiger.

DUN. Dun Dun Dun. Dun Dun Dun. DA dun DUN!!!!

Yep, we were those guys. We crossed the finish line at the same time pointing and cheering for each other.

I had a blast and I could not have done it with out Virginia. The whole experience reminded me of a saying that is popular amongst the Team In Training crowd - "It takes a village to raise an Ironman."

Essentially the phrase refers to the fact that because the commitment of time and resources needed to train for a full Ironman race, most folks are encouraged to discuss the decision to train with their family and closest friends. They make sacrifices as well and no training athlete can handle this commitment heathily without extensive support. The choices you make while training are not done in a vacuum - they effect everyone around you. Conversely, you can't do this alone. It takes a village to raise an Ironman and in the end, your victory is as much theirs as it is yours.

The experience reminded me of how blessed I am to be so supported in this endeavor. Just as the line from the letter to the Hebrews said a few days ago, it is because I'm surround by this "cloud of witness," - these network of support and prayer - that I'm able to run my race - both literally but through the struggles of my own life.

Again and again, my thoughts turn to New Orleans and I ask myself what more I can do for the people of that city. How can I be part of their cloud of witnesses? One person can't finish an Ironman on their own - a city's worth of individuals surely can't rebuild their lives without help and support.

We need each other. Others need us. Every small action means something and we fight despair by helping each other. I couldn't have finished 13.1 miles without Virginia and New Orleans needs us now.

some shots from India

2009-02-06T00:37:00.000-08:00

a few shots from India - not so much triathlon related, but thought y'all might dig

Our Experience of the Living Word

2009-02-03T07:56:00.000-08:00

Hmmm... here's the reading for today... some inspiration from the letter to the Hebrews 12:1-4.

Brothers and sisters:
Since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses,
let us rid ourselves of every burden and sin that clings to us
and persevere in running the race that lies before us
while keeping our eyes fixed on Jesus,
the leader and perfecter of faith.
For the sake of the joy that lay before him
Jesus endured the cross, despising its shame,
and has taken his seat at the right of the throne of God.
Consider how he endured such opposition from sinners,
in order that you may not grow weary and lose heart.
In your struggle against sin
you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding blood.

Contemplatives in Action continues to pray for Susan's efforts and for all in New Orleans who continue to persevere during this time of recovery and rebuilding.

Cheering Susan on!

2009-02-01T21:00:00.000-08:00

Here's the sign my sister, Carolyn, made for when she rooted on Susan during today's Kaiser 5k and Half-Marathon. It turns out that Carol never did see Susan along the route... but she did cheer on three other Susans and got many cheers for New Orleans.

Keep up the training, Susan! And thanks for spreading the word about our need and our ministry!

Loras College January 2009

2009-01-28T03:13:00.000-08:00

So... you know we work with volunteers... our groups are called Thoughtful Response Teams because we match them up with activities and projects that help to create a more thoughtful response to our current situation.

Take, for example, Loras College's January Intercession Sociology Course. Enjoying a variety of projects from mowing lawns to working on Marlo's properties, they came at a perfect time when the coast recycles old Christmas trees and allows them to restore the marsh.

Did you know that the National Mississippi River Museum & Aquarium are in Dubuque, IA?

Project for next Christmas: coordinate different ports along the Mississippi to collect Christmas trees from their neighborhoods and bring them down to the coastal lands to restore our marshes and wetlands.

3 people and 4 events: Our Weekend Update

2009-01-25T04:52:00.000-08:00

Here's a glimpse into our lives this past weekend:
1. Anna's taking Parish Nursing classes with the McFarland Institute. She's meeting peers and mentors and will be ready to assist with St. Gabriel's Parish Health Ministry in addition to the care she is able to provide for our residents and retreatees. Healthcare is tough to access for everyone so the value of having nursing stations at our churches is immeasurable.
2. Geoffrey spent the day at the Broad Street Bazaar selling our Fair Trade coffee, A Sign of Relief, and sharing information about our ministry. He was assisted by Jeh, who brought his massage chair and gave free massages for locals, and Charlie, a current Marquette student who has spent the last three weeks volunteering with us.
3. New Agent, Rich, spent the day tearing down an damaged wall on Marlo's two-car garage and replacing it with new lumber. He got to meet Marlo in the process.
4. I hosted our first day retreat for 4 people. We had a prayerful day of both silence and speech. It was great to have people continue to make this place and our neighborhood holy. From a lawyer to 2 teachers to a rebuilding crew lead... they all needed some dedicated time to pray.

So, all in all, we manage to stay busy... but again, we cannot do this alone. We seem to be able to get to important things with what we've got. 3 people, 4 places. We continue to meet people who are willing to help themselves here... they just need a friend to walk with them.

Lastly, I'll write more about this later, but a true gift to our ministry this past month has been 1. the four volunteer groups (College of St. Benedict and St. John's University, Canisius College, Providence College, and Loras College) we've had and 2. Marlo has been here working with us for the past 3 weeks.

We are in a great place to continue to develop a more thoughtful response and a more reflective and prayerful space amidst all the chaos of life in a Post-Katrina New Orleans.

What This Inauguration Might Mean for New Orleanians

2009-01-20T05:33:00.000-08:00

Commenting on this monumental day leaves me speechless. Yet, the obvious importance must not go unnoticed.

Today we inaugurate the first African-American president. Our 44th President is expected to leave a legacy of unity, collaboration, inclusion, peace. What a high price for a first...I'm just stunned at the level and consistency of this grace. Obama's ability to be graceful at a moment of both controversy and relief, terror and hope is the underlying current that will help to make way a path of justice that Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. walked and talked about just a few scores ago.

For New Orleans, this is a happy day. Not so much because we've got a unified city, state, and federal plan for recovery... but because we are tired and Obama is a reasonable and consistent shot of hope for us. Don't get me wrong, we would get through this through "hell or high water." But being witness to the grace that Obama brings into this leadership role is like putting our faith in our God because we know we will be taken care of.

And having even an ounce of hope like that will take us a long way.

We live in probably the poorest state in the union. Hope like this is what we live for. Three years later, decades later, centuries later... this is the kind of hope restores dignity... someone paying attention and refusing the idea that this could be the last word.

So today, we invite you to see and read about the New Orleanian response to this day by going to our local newspaper, the Times-Picayune, for stories, pictures, etc.

"Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things. And a good thing never dies." --Shawshank Redemption

Speaking of Ruby Bridges

2009-01-19T19:46:00.000-08:00

Read this story about Ruby Bridges published today. Turns out she may want a school afterall.

We live in a Post-Katrina, Post-Civil Rights, Post-Slavery World

2009-01-18T05:36:00.000-08:00

When people come to visit we love to drive them around the city to get a glimpse of the aftermath of Katrina. They see differences between neighborhoods from dilapitated rooftops to screened in porches, empty manicured lots to miles and miles of overgrown weeds where houses used to be. We see the burden of recovery and see that everyone is affected.

I've been using a new phrase to begin to describe what living in New Orleans feels like: Post-Katrina, Post-Civil Rights, Post-Slavery. Although I've read about slavery and the Civil Rights Movement in the history books, it is only living here that I am beginning to understand the impact of all of these pivot points on the lives of so many.

Post-Slavery
The mansions on St. Charles Ave. still have separate dwellings in the back of the property. My friends in Lakeview just completed their renovation and included a cabana-sort-of house in the back of their property. Most of the staff in the service industry are either the underemployed or poor or Black or both. The aftermath of the age of slavery still permeates our culture.

Post-Civil Rights
After seeing some of the most beautiful houses in Harry Connick Jr's sponsored Upper Ninth Ward Musicians' Village, there is a boarded up school. William Franz is the backdrop to Norman Rockwell's famous painting, The Problem We All Live With, of a 6 year old child integrating a once all white school on the court-ordered date of November 14, 1960. One of four children to integrate 2 New Orleanian schools, Ruby was the only one at William Franz.

Today, William Franz is boarded up. Although someone takes care of the property, we have yet to see if the school returns as a school. Many people in the neighborhood are addressing its historical value and inspired to begin a Civil Rights Museum...

On a slightly related note, I sometimes pick-up my friends' kids from school when they cannot make the pick up time. Gabe happens to be one of 3 white kindergarteners at McDonough, the other school who first took in 3 black students on November 14, 1960. My how things have changed...

Post-Katrina
My delay in putting up new posts have something to do with not having enough time in the day when volunteers and other visitors are with us. We have been fortunate to have the College of St. Benedict and St. John's University, Canisius College, Providence College, and Loras College visit and volunteer with us over these first two weeks of the year. My friend, Kate, developed a Sociology course on the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina and the dynamics of race and poverty. We have talked about how New Orleans is now a real-live petree dish, where the nation can see just how past decisions and relationships have left New Orleans abandoned and in need of some special atention. If majority rules and Louisiana continues to be one of the porrest if not THE poorest states in our Union, then the "common good" applies to them and they are not included in the "common". So, New Orleans is a vulnerable and exposed place to study American urban culture. Katrina affected everyone and what came to the surface were all the inequalities that were there well before the storm.

So, in this Post-slavery, Post Civil Rights, Post-Katrina world we consider the problem we all live with (as Norman Rockwel so cleverly suggested). Take a moment today to consider your own life and how you affect those around you. What are some major areas of your life that need to move from ignorance to knowledge, theory into practice, defensiveness to compassion?

Lastly, here's something to chew on on the Eve of our celebration of his life:
"Change does not roll in on the wheels of inevitability, but comes through continuous struggle." Martin Luther King Jr.

May you have the audacity to change yourself and your relationship with the world because the world does need you.

Thoughts on the New Year

2008-12-30T20:36:00.000-08:00

As 2008 comes to a close I just wanted to leave y'all with a prayer I found. As of Jan 4th, I'll be in India for three weeks (I know, my life is so hard), but Jocelyn will keep you supplied with news from New Orleans and great food for thought.

O God,
you call us from our settled ways,
out of old habits and rutted traditions.
You call us into the land of promise,
to new life and new possibilities.
Make us strong to travel the road ahead.
Deliver us from false security and comfort,
desire for ease and uninvolved days.
Let your Word and Spirit dwell in us
that your will may be fulfilled in us
for the well-being and peace of all.
Amen.

On the third day of Christmas...

2008-12-27T18:30:00.000-08:00

I could sing the song, but I won't. But on this third day of Christmas, I did want to take a moment to thank Susan for the gift that she is to so many people. I know, totally sappy, but I mean it.

If it wasn't for Susan, we wouldn't have met you all and gotten a chance to share our ministry with you. If it weren't for Susan, so many young college students would not have experienced the joy of service as profoundly as they had when they visited New Orleans over the past 3 years. If it weren't for Susan, so many tired recovery workers would have collapsed and given up.

As it is, I'm not really concerned about the money we raise... maybe I should be...

I'm a firm believer that God will provide. Yet, when I mention the fact that Susan is racing a Half Ironman to raise money for us, locals are about speechless! They think she's nuts! (And you know it takes A LOT to make New Orleanians believe that YOU are the cooky one!)

But really, I was speaking to a case manager last week. She just heard about our ministry and wants to take us up on our offer for a free place to stay, be nourished, and strategize and pray. When I mentioned Enduring Hope, her tired eyes looked at me with this twinkle. She nearly welled up with tears she thought it was so selfless.

This may not seem big to most of you, but it's HUGE for us. Not only do we have our house to keep up, but we're helping residents care for themselves, their properties, and their lives.

I'm sorry for the delay, but I want you all to meet Marlo. We met her this past summer. She has four pieces of property that have yet to be renovated since the storm. Marlo eventually moved to Little Rock and is hoping we can help her. Read this and Help Us Help Marlo Help Others.

100 Days

2008-12-25T22:42:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas!

It's 100 days till race day.

I watched "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" with my family today. In addition to being a great movie, most of it was shot in New Orleans. If you've never been to the city, I recommend seeing it so you can get an idea of the amazing beauty and spirit of the place. At the same time its a reminder to us of how essential it is to help the city rebuild. Such an amazing place filled with even more incredible people has to flourish. It needs us.

Hope Endures. So does New Orleans.

It's a 100 days till race day. Hopefully i'll look this happy through most of the race. However, if this picture had a thought bubble it would say "I hate running. I hate running.I hate running. Smile, Annie's taking a picture. I hate running.I hate running."

Hope in Darkness

2008-12-24T22:53:00.000-08:00

As the last few hours of Advent drain away from us, here's a few quotes and just some very brief thoughts on waiting, hope and the Incaration.

"A prison cell, in which one waits, hopes - and is completely dependent on the fact that the door of freedom has to be opened from the outside, is not a bad picture of Advent." - Dietrich Bonhoeffer

I've always had a bad habit of being someone who could measure themselves on on what I'd achieved and also always assumed that situations could be resolved if I did more or less of something. It's my initiative (or lack thereof) that was the source of/solution to problems. Even training can be a temptation for me to fall into this rut as much of my life is devoted to doing a set amount of exercise.

The advent image presented by Bonhoeffer challenges me to realize that in the end, no amount of exertion or doing or action can replace God's love and grace. How often and at times in my life have I spun my wheels, working hard to "fix" myself, something that can only be changed by God. How do I, in moments of despair when I want to give up because all my own efforts have failed, do I sit and steadfastly hope in God's promise, knowing God is making all things new. The psalms tell us that "weeping may last the night, but joy comes in the morning." Even at the brink of total darkness and despair, in a world entrenched in violence and greed, God's love comes ripping into our reality. Joy comes when least expected. Christ is born.

Even in the prisons in our own lives, moments when it seems that everything we have done and tried has failed and there are no longer any other options, we can sit and wait in hope, knowing the God that loves us will eventually kick down the door.

"Through all the Advents of our life, we shall wait and look forward with longing for that day of the Lord, when God says, 'I am making everything new!'" - Dietrich Bonhoeffer

WWJDT?

2008-12-22T20:18:00.000-08:00

I stumbled across this today and it made me laugh. Thought I would pass this along to bring some holiday cheer.

"So the other day I was riding my bike around Fiesta Island, trying desperately to magically turn my less-than muscular thighs into some sort of magic powerhouse that would lead me to victory in my next triathlon. While my legs were at work, the blood rushing to my legs somehow returned and pooled into the imaginative parts of my brain and started producing a myriad of thoughts that can only be described as random and weird. Of course at first, there was the image of me finishing my first Ironman in triumphant glory with crowds of my friends and family cheering me on as I stumbled, exhausted, over that coveted finish line. Then, I woke up when I got a cramp in my thigh after only a few miles of biking and was plummeted into the realization that "This is HARD!" and the little imagination bubble burst as I reached the epiphany that I had a looooooong way to go before I would be showing up at any Ironman, or even winning a sprint-
distance at this point.

But alas, I couldn't let myself get too discouraged, so I rustled up another image in my mind that would give me more encouragement. Would Jesus do a triathlon if he were alive today? I mean, I doubt they had triathlons back in his day...that robe might get caught in the gears of the bike, and is hardly aerodynamic....and I can't image the sandals being too comfy to run in. But then I started thinking this is JESUS we are talking about here! Let's face it, the guy was BUILT for endurance competition. I imagine that once you have walked on water, the 2.4 mile swim seems like doggy- paddling in a kiddy pool. Then, I wondered if they would even let him do a triathlon, seeing as how he had an unfair advantage of being GOD and all. I'm sure no one would really want to be the sap that had to disqualify him, but it would really stink to have to compete against him. Maybe he would be allowed to be a team member in a relay?

But then again, I had the idea that kicking everyone's butt in an endurance competition (unless someone doubted that he could) would definitely not be very Jesus-like. I mean, you hardly have to win at everything when you are God. So then I figured that he would probably just zap some of the challenged athletes or those without legs so that they were given superhuman strength to beat out the competition of those hoity toity super-humans who finish Kona in like
4 hours....take that! He may even market his own refueling gels that would put all the others to shame. Put me on that bandwagon...or what about a water bottle that turns water magically into Gatorade? Or multiplies itself so you never run out? That would be pretty awesome!

Even though the chances of Jesus returning and immediately getting body marked to compete in an Ironman before he throws down fire and brimstone in the Second Coming aren't likely, it still gives me solace when I'm on the final leg of my run and I feel like I can't finish and then Philippians 4:13 starts shouting out at me: "I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me."

"You paid to do that?"

2008-12-17T11:25:00.000-08:00

There's a certain counter intuitiveness about races. It doesn't really make sense to pay for something you could just do by yourself - especially when it comes to running. Sure you get a t-shirt and someone hands you some watery gatorade when you are done, but I could probably bribe my roommates into doing that by offering them a ham sandwich. However there are some upsides.

First off, it's a kick in the pants in terms of motivation. I think most of y'all know how much I hate running and I can almost guarantee you I wouldn't have run 11 miles unless I had too. So essentially taking a ferry to a desolate island in the middle of the San Francisco Bay and saying "You don't leave until you run 11 miles" was the only way that was going to happen.

It could just be the herd mentality, but you never feel lonely during races. There have been several times on a longer run or bike ride where sudden thought, "If I broke my leg and rolled off the side of the road, no one might find me before I'm eaten by wolves," has flashed across my mind. It's nice to not have to worry about that.

In all seriousness though, running alongside people reminds you of being a part of humanity. It's so easy for me, especially at the end of a semester to get totally swallowed up in a tunnel vision where I only see my own needs and concerns. Plodding along those trails next to folks of every size, shape and age, I remember that my own story was never my story. It's one thread in warp and weft of a much bigger picture.

I was wearing my Teaming in Training running shirt and several times I'd pass a stranger who's yell "Go Team!" That instant recognition of a shared experience, a shared vision always brought a huge smile to my face. Like meeting another FJV or seeing a Marquette shirt outside of the midwest, its that sense of belonging and that unspoken connection of commonality that stands in the face of hollow individualism.

Running the race also reminded me how much I missed the unbridled and often illogical positivity that was a trademark of Team In Training. As much as I enjoyed finishing under my time goal, the gorgeous views on Angel Island and spending quality time with Melissa, my favorite moment of the race was in the second loop about halfway up an uphill. I was passing a woman who was walking, sweating profusely and in general, looking like she was in trouble. Just as I passed, she looked down and said to herself in a tone that was the perfect combination of determined/hopeful/badass, "Alright, it's time to do this thing."

I turned around and yelled over my shoulder, "Heck yeah it is! Let's get this done."
Her face lit up, she threw up an awesome high five and broke back into a run. I jogged along with my new friend Karen for another mile or so.

By the time I actually finished, they had already packed away the finished line (I never said I was fast). As I turned the corner and saw I was too slow for a real finish, my heart sank and I felt frustrated with myself.

Then I saw Karen, jumping up and down screaming, "YEAH RUNNING BUDDY - BRING IT HOME - GET IT DONE!"

New scenery, new faces. Quality time with your roomate. A sense of belonging. A chance to care about someone else without provocation or motive.

Reason enough to pay to run 11 miles.

Why We Need A Truck

2008-12-16T21:35:00.000-08:00

This is what I did today. I picked up our tree, thought I could slip it into my car with two windows open, but decided that the loose twine job I did with the help of three boys (Cory, Malik, Jabarre) and their mother would hold the tree in place on the top of my oh-so-good-to-me civic hybrid enough while I drive back home. Unfortunately, my method meant that the doors were tied shut. So, I pulled a "Dukes of Hazard" about three times (basically whenever I had to re-adjust the tree.)

As I drove down our neighborhood, no one really paid any special attention to me. Most still waved hello and continued on with their conversation on their porches and on street corners. Then, I came to this stop sign with a man putting something into his truck. He smiled and shouted, "Christmas is coming!" I smiled and responded, "Christmas is already here!"

This Advent time is a bit peculiar. We celebrate the coming of Jesus yet as Christians, we already believe he has come.

So many people talk about needing hope in New Orleans. Hope is Awesome! Yet, I wonder if this hope is slightly different from the hope we are used to... perhaps this hope is actually trust in believing that all death and desctruction can be overcome by the celebration of life today... not yesterday or tomorrow, but today. This hope is the trust that a job will be found, a house will be built, neighbors will return.

Continue to hope for us as we are hopeful for you and yours. As a prayer help, visit BustedHalo. and click on the advent calendar. Check out who's listed behind the door of December 16th!

Susan's Fitness Tip of the Week

2008-12-13T19:08:00.000-08:00

Make sure before you run an 11 miles race that you check your sports bra for left over dryer sheets. It can be uncomfortable otherwise.**

**Based on a true story**

11 miles at under 2 hours!

2008-12-13T18:56:00.000-08:00

Ok, so the under two hours was at 1:59:51... but still! I ran Hark the Herald Angel Run with my roomate Melissa this morning. It was on Scenic Angel Island which is essentially a national park in the middle of the SF Bay. I got to run past view like this
minus the fog. Most of y'all know how much I hate running, so this was a great confidence builder for the 13 miles I have to run in April. A more detailed reflection of a great experience will follow. For now I'm focused on packing and going home!

"The way to develop self-confidence is to do the thing you fear and get a record of successful experiences behind you.”

William Jennings Bryan quotes

Believe it: Hell HAS frozen over!

2008-12-11T10:15:00.000-08:00

It's snowing in New Orleans today. and yes, as a blogger put it this morning, Hell has frozen over!

Just when you thought the craziness just couldn't get crazier... it's snowing! So, I jumped around the house excited about the cold and beauty of snow on branches, Anna had hot cocoa in a Christmas mug and insisted on listening to Christmas music on Pandora, Geoffrey had us take a picture of himself all covered with snow as he biked back from working at the clinic this morning. Yes... we all believe that ANYTHING is possible with God.

In fact, today's reading from Isaiah reminds us that god hears the cries of the poor and not only satisfies their thirst, hunger, and need but RIDICOULOUSLY lavishes them with life... life to its fullness:

I am the LORD, your God,
who grasps your right hand;
It is I who say to you, "Fear not, I will help you..."
The afflicted and the needy seek water in vain,
their tongues are parched with thirst.
I, the LORD, will answer them;
I, the god of Israel, will not forsake them.
I will open up rivers on the bare heights,
and fountains in the broad valleys;
I will turn the desert into a marshland,
and the dry ground into springs of water.
I will plant in the desert the cedar,
acacia, myrtle, and olive;
I will set in the wasteland the cypress,
together with the plane tree and the pine,
That all may see and know,
observe and understand,
That the hand of the LORD has done this,
the Holy One of Israel has created it.
Isaiah 41:13,17-20

I think of what we need and how God is here to give us that and MORE. I think of New Orleanian homes made of original Cedar and Cypress... sturdy wood that can take on water and persevere. I think of Olive trees around the city whose fragrance is light and inviting.

I pray in thanksgiving for another day to witness God's loving care for us. I endure in hope for a better future filled with good schools, safe streets, renovated and rebuilt buildings and flourishing communities...

Some thoughts during my exam week

2008-12-09T00:37:00.000-08:00

"unless you test yourself, your stagnate. unless you try to go way beyond what you've been able to do before you won't develop and grow. when you go for it 100%, when you don't have the fear of 'what if i fail?' that's when you learn. that's when you're really living."

mark allen (world champion triathlete)

This quote would be perfect if it addressed the importance of naps as well.
Some actual deep thoughts to follow after exam week breaks....

The Face of a Triathlete

2008-12-04T23:42:00.000-08:00

So I'm trying to be hip and use some video - enjoy this, even if its just to mock me.

We can't forget.....

2008-12-04T01:24:00.000-08:00

Here's a great video that shows how things are three years later....

Three Years Later

The Ninth Ward

Enduring Hope: Racing for New Orleans

2008-11-12T23:17:00.000-08:00

Some people are just easy to fall in love with. I’m sure we all know of at least one of these people. For some reason when we get to know them, not only do their virtues far outshine the bad, but we come to love them because of their flaws and not in spite of them. I feel that way about the city of New Orleans.
The first time I came to New Orleans is was for a conference in college. The city wowed me with it’s flash and it’s spirit. The jazz, food and balconies stole my heart and left a permanent impression.

Three years later I was in Houston as a Jesuit Volunteer. On of my community mates had gone to Tulane University in New Orleans and we had a sister JV house in New Orleans. Every few months we’d find an excuse to drive the five hours and spend the weekend in New Orleans. It was these trips where I learned from my roommate and fellow JVs about the real New Orleans that you don’t see on Bourbon Street – the architecture, the hospitality, the warmth and the history. I learned Mardi Gras parades are actually about the marching bands, the only decent street in the Quarter is Frenchman’s Alley and the best thing to do on a sunny Sunday afternoon is take some Popeye’s Fried Chicken down to the levy and people watch and listen to the water lap the shore. I also saw a city struggling with racism, poverty and corrupt government. But for all of its flaws, the generosity and love that are the hallmark of Nola natives gave me hope and confidence for the city’s future.

On August 30th, 2005, I had been at my new job as a campus minister for Wheeling Jesuit University for about three weeks. I’d spent the night before glued to the television watching CNN report the wrath of Hurricane Katrina. Levees were breaking, entire sections of the city were underwater, people were trapped in their home and even more were without power or food in the Superdome. That morning I got into my car to drive to work, but instead of starting the car I just sat there.

It was 8:13am. I remember thinking that if I called my boss and quit my job, I could be in New Orleans in before midnight. My heart was pounding and it felt like God was yelling in my ear, “New Orleans needs you!”

I didn’t quit (a decision I sometime regret, although I think Wheeling Jesuit University is glad I didn’t), but I did make a promise that day that I would do as much as I could to help my brothers and sisters in the city I’d come to love so much. Along with likeminded co-workers, I organized over seven relief groups of students in the two years I was in Wheeling. We held fundraisers and brought in speakers to raise awareness. I tried to do as much as I could from where I was.

The more I came down, the more I saw that the city needed more than gutted houses and stronger levees. When the waters settled in New Orleans, huge issues of racism, corruption and inequality floated to the surface and could no longer be ignored. Those trying to put their lives back together and those trying to help them were stretched to the limits. An estimated 60% of New Orleanians were manifesting signs of post traumatic stress disorder. Folks working in social service and helping positions were burning out at massive rate. People lived, breathed and had nightmare about Katrina. In the words of a man who approached me on a work site after finding out I was a minister, “I just need someone to hear me and place to be quiet.”

Enter Contemplatives In Action.

When I was in New Orleans, I kept crossing paths with Jocelyn Sideco – an old friend and former campus minister of mine when I was at Marquette. It seemed she’d heard that same voice calling her to New Orleans as well. Before long I found out she’d quit her job had relocated to the city to start a non-profit with Meg Griffiths and Stacy Jonas – a friend from JVC and college respectively. (Yes, it is a small world after all).

Contemplatives In Action, or CIA, as they came to call it, was a ministry of hospitality and reflection in the midst of its chaos. CIA provides inspiration, opportunities to connect and a chance to get away for New Orleans natives and folks who are doing long term recovery work in the city to help them keep from burning out. As well as serving New Orleans, they also work with relief groups who were coming into the city. By leading reflections and discussions, they help folks understand more of the context in which they are doing a labor of love and ask important questions about how the work effects them.

At first, I worked with Contemplatives In Action because of my personal connection to Jocelyn, Meg and Stacy. Overtime, I’ve watched organization grow and become totally convinced of the importance of what they are doing in New Orleans and for the relief effort.

I’m trying to do my part to help them help others.

This past summer I discovered the gift of endurance racing. At a hard juncture in my life, I trained for and finished an Olympic distance triathlon and the experience transformed me. I’ve come to find a lot of joy and grace in swimming, biking and running obscene distances and wearing a disproportionately large amount of spandex.
This year on April 5th, New Orleans is hosting an Inaugural 70.3 Ironman Race. Sponsored by the Ironman Company, 70.3 races are essentially Half-Ironmans. The 70.3 is the total distance of the race – 1.2 miles swim, followed by 56 miles bike, and finished with a 13.1 mile half marathon.

When I think of real endurance – I think of New Orleanians. I think of families returning to ruined houses, communities demanding the reopening of schools and everyday people fighting for fair treatment in the face of government indifference and ineffectiveness. The perseverance and courage I found in this city have redefined the meaning of hope for me.

It’s in honor of this Enduring Hope that I decided to train and race in the New Orleans Half Ironman to raise money for Contemplatives In Action. I believe in the principle of “open source activism” – taking your gifts and talents and using them to further a cause that’s important to you. I can swim, bike and run and I’m going to do it help the people of New Orleans.

I can also write. I’ll be updating my blog susanhaarman.blogspot.com once a week for the next 17 weeks of training. I’ll be sharing thoughts, prayers and information about the journey. At the same time, the folks at Contemplatives In Action will also be posting once a week to give a better insight to their work and how conditions are in the city.

If two hundred people donate just $7.03, we’ll have raised over $3500 for the recovery. Imagine if a thousand people donate $70.30.

Please consider going to www.contemplativesinaction.org and donating. Keep an eye on me through the blog. Pray for New Orleans. Most of all, pass this along to as many people as possible. I can’t do much on my own, but together we can change the world.

Three years ago, a New Orleanian asked me to “Never forget us. Tell our story.” I’ve been trying to do that ever since and I find I never stop being inspired by the stories and faith that immerges from New Orleans in the face of adversity.

Peace
Susan Haarman

“We continually remember before our God and Father your work produced by faith, your labor prompted by love, and your endurance inspired by hope in our Lord Jesus Christ.” 1 Thess 1:3

The Race Report

2008-09-29T22:13:00.001-07:00

his has taken so long friends - what follows is a far to long report of the race.

The night before I tried going to sleep at 9pm knowing full well it wouldn’t work. I spent most of the night tossing and turning but I kept reminding myself that Coach Paul said we wouldn’t sleep. 4:30am rolled around and I got up, got dressed and had breakfast. We rode our bikes over to the race site as a team before the sun rose. I rolled into the transition area where I got my race number scribbled all over my body. It felt like I was back in kindergarden.

The swim

The water was freaking cold – we did the swim in the ocean. They tend to be cold. It was a strange surreal feeling that the race as beginning. This was the moment that I’d been preparing myself for the last four months. So I stood there in my pink swim cap, digging my feet in the sand waiting. I was thankful it was a TNT heat because the mood was light.

If you’ve never done a competitive swim with others, its’s hard to describe what its like. Imagine you’re in a washing machine. With legs churning, arms flailing, the swimming is almost more about maneuvering than about speed.

Yet again, TNT proved it knew exactly what it was doing in training. After experience the panic of open water in the middle of July out at Lake DuValle, I knew the most important thing was to just move forward and use good form whenever I had the chance. Another small challenge came in the form of Kelp. The swim section of the race is actually known as the Kelp Krawl because huge sections of Kelp line the bar. Often you find yourself climbing over the Kelp more than swimming over it. Thankfully by the time I got into the water, the amount of kelp had been beaten down by the previous heats of swimmers. Although climbing when you should be swimming isn’t the greatest, the water was so clear in the cove you could see everything. Starfish were nestled on top of rocks. A few fish went by. It was great to have something to look at to break up the monotony as well as swim a sense of forward progress.

The strange thing about the swim section is you actually did one lap and then ran back into to the water for another loop. I had just jumped back into the water for the second lap when I realized that my timing chip, that was strapped around my ankle was coming loose. Now, had I lost this, not only would my finishing time not register for the race, but I’d have to pay a pretty hefty sum. So I popped back up and essentially began hoping around on one foot as I tried to tighten my timing chip. While I was doing this, I could hear one of my coaches yelling, “Susan, what the heck are you doing? Swim Susan! This is the part where you swim!”

After getting that taken care of, I was back in the water for the final lap of the swim. I managed to finished the swim in 35 minutes (three minutes under my usual times) and said a number of prayers of thanks to whoever created wetsuits. Not only do they keep you warm in CHILLY 60 degree water, they make it really easy to stay afloat.

So I ran up an embankment, pulled off my wetsuit – don’t worry I had clothes on underneath – then jumped on my bike. It was cloudy out so I started pedaling hard in hopes it would help me warm up (although I didn’t regain feeling in my toes until my lap on the bike). For whatever reason, I managed to keep up a fast biking pace the entire time. I was pacing myself so well that every single one of my fours laps was 22 minutes with just a few seconds in variation. The course, when I took the time to notice it, was beautiful. It rode right along the coastline so when I wasn’t trying to pass the bike in front of me or avoid getting mowed down by folks in funny helmets on fancy bikes, I had a beautiful view of the pacific ocean.

Since the course was looped, I got to pass a wonderful cheering section made up of my family and friends from grad school four different times. They were down near the end of the loop where riders had to go around a hairpin turn. To make the turn, you had to slow down quite a bit and people bunched up, which always made me really nervous. As soon as I’d make that turn I’d hear my dad yelling and my friend chanting and I’d just drop down into a tuck position on my bike and blow past everyone. Also, I got to grab a water bottle from someone on the side of the road, take a drink and then chuck it away like they do on the Tour De France. That made me feel very cool.

I finished the 26 miles on the bike in an hour and half. I couldn’t feel my butt at all, but I managed to totally school several fancy road bikes. MCBICTYCB smoked the competition. I think it was that new back wheel that made the difference.

My transition from the bike to the run was slower than it needed to be, possibly because I was sort of dreading the run. I changed my sock (I hate wet feet) threw on my “Lazers” – the 6 dollar sunglasses I got from Target because they were the ugliest sport sunglasses that I had ever seen – and headed out. By this time the sun had come out and the fog had burned off so the view continued to be gorgeous.

The Run course was three 2 miles loops. I went out on my first loops way too fast, partially because I was excited to have gotten so far and partially because I just wanted the run to be over with. My split time show I was averaging a 8:47 pace on that first loop. On my best days when I had not swam and biked before hand, I averaged 9:15 at best. I went out way to fast.

I knew the run would be challenging and as I started to fatigue when I came into the second loop. I remembered my cousin Cathy saying that the she just said the rosary until the miles passed. I started with the rosary and after tearing through the Joyful Mysteries, I found myself just making a laundry list of all the people and things I was thankful for. The listing got me through the second loop and into the third. Finally for the last mile of the race I just kept repeating “solo dei gloria” – to You alone goes the Glory - over and over again.

Just after the start of the third loop, I felt totally spent. I wanted to be done, I wanted a shower. I started walking again and had my head down. I passed a lone spectator sitting on a fence who looked at my shirt where I’d written “I race for Travis Laughlin” – my boss’s Father who has recently been diagnosed with Leukemia.

“You’re racing for Travis – just remember that,” she said quietly. I felt my chest get tight, I remembered why TNT trains you to race and I started running again. I no longer cared about burning shins or sore ankles.

When I hit the last stretch of run, I opened up into a sprint and that minute seemed to last an eternity. I flashed through sitting at the Team in Training info session in early May. I spent the entire meeting on the verge of tears, scared anxious and overwhelmed by my own life. I flashed through my first run – I was back home in Louisville and the humidity shut me down after ten minutes. I remembered getting my first donation, my first team practice, and my first crash on the bike.

I remembered the flood of supportive emails, blog posts and phone calls that I’d received all year. I felt a flood of grace as I thought of all the love I’d been given during this process from rides to practice, patient tips from my coaches, donations, hilarious cards from my cousin Beth, prayers from old friends from college, phone calls and packets of energy goo.

I remembered who I was when I began this journey. I remembered the pain, the anger and the intense self loathing that had been my life at the end of last school year. I remembered who I was now – part of a Team much larger than myself, surrounded and blessed by those who I loved and who loved me. I hit the last bit of gas I had left in me and left the past in the dust on the course as I crossed the finish line.

The moment I crossed the finish line the endorphins went rushing through my system. In that moment I felt like running the whole race again but decided giving my family and friends sweaty hugs would be a better idea.

I finished the race in 3 hours and 15 minutes – a full 15 minutes under what I hope I’d do. My biggest goal had been to finish the run in under an hour. I finished the run in 59 minutes and 56 seconds.

This race report has already gone way to long and clearly taken too long to write but I wanted to let you all know yet again, how much your support meant. Thank you cards will be in route – hopefully before Christmas.

In other news, I’m have to admit that Triathlons are absolutely addicting. I’ve joined UC Berkeley’s triathlon club so I now work out with a bunch of 18 year olds (depressing) and this past Sunday I did my second triathlon (exciting) . It was an all womens’ Olympic distance in Santa Cruz. Fun fact – women’s races have nicer t-shirts and you get jewelry instead of huge finisher medals. Less impressive looking, but you can actually get away with wearing them in normal life. I finished the course in 2:56 – although it was a slightly shorter course so I don’t think I’ll be going pro anytime soon. I’m hoping to squeeze in one more before fall semester ends and go for a Tri-fecta.

In short though, I did this because of all of you. As I’ve said on other occasions, the Team in Team in Training isn’t just the folks working out, but the patients, doctors, nurses, researchers, family members, hospital chaplains, friends, family, etc. It’s the whole Body of Christ.

Finally, although my roommates have made me promised not to turn into a crazy person, I'm definitely going to keep doing triathlons. Not only do i enjoy endurance sports because you dont' have to be super fast, they are also really powerfully prayerful experiences. Tris are all about continuing on when you don't want to. Tris don't just allow frailty - they expect it. It's not a matter of if you'll have a rough lap or mile, it's when. When it comes, you breathe deep, drink more water and push through - because you know it will pass. That mile will end. The next will be better and you will be that much closer to the finish. All that matters is that you move forward, that you keep your eyes on the horizon, and remember what you race for.

AMDG. Susan.

Triathlete.

2008-09-13T17:55:00.000-07:00

Here's my times - a fuller entry will follow

Full Course Time: 3:15:12.530
All Rank: 575
Female Rank: 179
F25-29 Rank: 48

Checkpoint Time
Swim Lap 1 0:16:57.610
Swim Finis 0:35:14.350
Bike Start 0:41:10.800
Bike Lap 1 1:03:33.630
Bike Lap 2 1:25:47.850
Bike Lap 3 1:48:24.650
Bike Finish 2:10:47.840
Run Start 2:15:19.260
Run Lap 1 2:35:37.630
Run Lap 2 2:54:55.540
Finish Line 3:15:12.530

Swim Lap 1
Time: 0:16:57.610
Pace (Min/Mi):
36:22
All Rank:
424
Female Rank:
137
F25-29 Rank:
36

Swim Lap 2 Time:
0:18:16.740
Pace (Min/Mi):
39:11
All Rank:
393
Female Rank:
146
F25-29 Rank:
35

Swim Time:
0:35:14.350
Pace (Min/Mi):
37:48
All Rank:
426
Female Rank:
149
F25-29 Rank:
37

T1 Time:
0:05:56.450
All Rank:
606
Female Rank:
248
F25-29 Rank:
61

Bike Lap 1 Time:
0:22:22.830
Pace (MPH):
16.67
All Rank:
580
Female Rank:
171
F25-29 Rank:
41

Bike Lap 2 Time:
0:22:14.220
Pace (MPH):
16.77
All Rank:
607
Female Rank:
181
F25-29 Rank:
45

Bike Lap 3 Time:
0:22:36.800
Pace (MPH):
16.50
All Rank:
608
Female Rank:
187
F25-29 Rank:
44

Bike Lap 4
Time:
0:22:23.190
Pace (MPH):
16.66
All Rank:
541
Female Rank:
144
F25-29 Rank:
35

Bike Time
1:29:37.040
Pace (MPH):
16.64
All Rank:
589
Female Rank:
165
F25-29 Rank:
40

T2 Time:
0:04:31.420
All Rank:
652
Female Rank:
258
F25-29 Rank:
64

Run Lap 1 Time:
0:20:18.370
Pace (Min/Mi):
8:54
All Rank:
554
Female Rank:
184
F25-29 Rank:
42

Run Lap 2 Time:
0:19:17.910
Pace (Min/Mi):
9:48
All Rank:
520
Female Rank:
163
F25-29 Rank:
37

Run Lap 3 Time:
0:20:16.990
Pace (Min/Mi):
10:17
All Rank:
584
Female Rank:
198
F25-29 Rank:
49

Run Time:
0:59:53.270
Pace (Min/Mi):
9:38
All Rank:
556
Female Rank:
181
F25-29 Rank:
40

This Time tomorrow....

2008-09-12T10:48:00.000-07:00

I'll be pedaling away..... It's so surreal to think that three months of work and sweat come down to tomorrow....

Shit.

2008-09-08T23:52:00.001-07:00

My back wheel just got stolen. Awesome. Especially since its five days before the race....

Less than a week

2008-09-07T20:48:00.000-07:00

Wow - i never thought I'd be so dumb founded as I am as I face down a week left to the race.
It feels strange and surreal that what I've been working toward for the last three months is right around the corner.

Results are in...

2008-09-07T20:45:00.000-07:00

Wow - you guys are really something. When asked what I should visualize to get me to the finished line a bottle of bourbon and someone forcing me into business school just barely beat a pack of wild ferrets. NO ONE said friend and family - not even my friends and family.

Y'all are real special.

Good news, Bad news

2008-08-31T22:42:00.000-07:00

Great News - thanks to the help of wonderful friends and troupe mates, I held two very successful improv shows to raise money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. I still need to count up all the money but we had two great audiences

Bad News - I'm sure everyone is watching Hurrican Gustav. Some of you know how dear the to me the Gulf Coast and especially New Orleans is. Miracles aren't something anyone should expect, but we can pray that levees hold, people got out and compassion will go deep when we are called to help the Gulf Coast recover again

More Embarassing Shots of me running

2008-08-31T22:40:00.000-07:00

Less than a month away

2008-08-26T15:36:00.000-07:00

I realized yesterday I'm less than a month away from race day - here's the up to date tally for my mileage:

Swim: 29 miles - ish
Bike: 417 miles
Run: 91 miles

Crashes: 1
Falling over on the bike while standing still: 2.5
Twisted Ankles : 0
Races Participated in: 1.5 (the open water swim and a 5K I accidentally ran - i was just curious where all the people were running to...)

Mystery solved

2008-08-26T15:11:00.000-07:00

So the mystery of the hives has been revealed - I visited my doctor today who told me I have Pityriasis. It's caused virally (they think), isn't deadly, isn't contagious, and has no treatment because it just "sort of goes away" after abotu 4 weeks.

Here's a more specific break down - Pete, ever seen this? My doctor has only seen it once.
http://www.aad.org/public/publications/pamphlets/common_pityriasis.html

so let's recap:

I have managed to get a skin disease that
- they aren't sure what causes it
- doesn't seem to be contagious
- doesn't have a real treatment
- is most just vaguely irritating

wow. this is impressive ridiculous even for me...

Dorky biking shots - note the non-intimidating helmet

2008-08-17T00:31:00.000-07:00

More cheesy pictures.....
In exciting news, my coach said that he thinks I'd be pretty competitive to place in my age group if I had a better bike. A compliment I'll take but I'm clearly not leaving MCBICTYCB

"the last shall be first..."

2008-08-14T14:06:00.000-07:00

Last night I was looking up last years results for my race so I could get a decent idea of how long it would take me to finish. I figured I'd look in the middle and see how people were placing. As I scrolled through I of course looked at the first place finisher - some inhuman man who finished the entire race in an hour and twenty minutes.

I scanned the average middle times (I'm just hoping to finish things in under 4 hours - i'm not super ambitious) and started scrolling down. I wanted to see how many total people were competing in the race and also the poor sap was who finished last.

968th out of 968 people, with a time of 5 hours 15 minutes and 18 seconds was Michelle Arnau.

Michelle Arnau is an honoree on our team. She was diagnosed 5 years ago with a life threatening blood disease called Myelodysplasia. What causes this disease is still unknown, but it basically stopped her bone marrow from producing blood cells and put her in an extreme state of anemia.
She was kept alive with blood transfusions and received a stem cell transplant from her brother John.

The chemotherapy left her with no hair, mouth sores so bad that she could not eat, drink or talk for weeks. She was told at 29 that she would never be able to have kids and that the long term survival from stem cell transplant and high dose chemo is relatively unknown. High doses of steroids helped keep Michelle's body from rejecting the transplant, but also left her 50 pounds heavier with a constantly swollen face and limbs. She spent 2 ½ months in the hospital and another 2 years in and out with various infections and viruses as her new immune system developed.

Last year Michelle finished swam .93 miles, biked 24 miles and ran 6 miles in the Triathlon at Pacific Grove. She was the last person to cross the finish line, but in my opinion, her performance completely outshines the guy who came in first.

"The last shall be first..."

really???

2008-08-13T11:14:00.001-07:00

I broke out into hives today....

I think my body is cranky with me.

Why I'll never be an olympian...

2008-08-12T11:54:00.000-07:00

Nothing says "Olympic Spirit" like not letting a kid sing on camera because they aren't cute enough...

http://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/asiapcf/08/12/oly.kids/index.html?iref=mpstoryview

The Results....

2008-08-12T11:42:00.000-07:00

So results are in from the last poll -

Most people seem to like the idea of naming my wetsuit after someone (or something). How we do that is another matter all together...

My roommate Justin just missed being auctioned off. He acts like he's relieved but I think we all know he's secretly a little sad....

still alive

2008-08-11T00:47:00.000-07:00

At the behest of some lovely caring and concerned folks I'm just posting to say I am still among the living. I've had a friend visiting for the last week and so have not been fulfilling my blogging duties. Among recent highlights - had an excellent run last saturday in which I outlasted a skinny runner looking girl. As a member of the Large Hipped Society, I still get a sick sense of joy when skinny women fail at things. It's a flaw, I know.

I'm starting to enjoy counting the bruises on my left leg from the biking accident - i'm healing nicely though. My bike helmet did get stolen recently though. Seriously, who steals a bike helmet?

Again though, it's just things. The real stuff is the love and support I get from y'all.

2008-08-11T00:43:00.001-07:00

Nothing says awkward like having someone take a picture of you while you're stretching.... and enjoy the group shot of us from the last group swim - that's my team!

rough week...

2008-07-31T16:21:00.000-07:00

So I've got a favor to ask folks - if you could kick up the prayers, that would be great. Unfortunately my string of bad luck this week (flats, insurance denials) has continued. Yesterday at practice we were coming down a hilly stretch of two lane road when i saw a guy in front of me who 1) was weaving all around the lane and 2) wasn't wearing a helmet. I started screaming "Passing Left, passing left" at the top of my lungs over and over, but he appearently decided that meant veer left. I couldn't pull the MCBICTYCB out of the way in time and went down hard with a skid.

I did however manage to break the other guys fall. I'm a giver.

Thankfully, Idiot Man managed to not sustain any injuries which is a miracle because he could have totally cracked his gourd open. I limped off with a huge bruise on my bum, scraped elbow and general stiff. Thankfully MCBICTYCB sustained no real damage. It takes after its namesake - she's a scrapper.

And my iPod is somewhere in the EBASE office though no one can find it. So if you can, say some "Tony, Tony turnaround. Susan's iPod's lost and can't be found" to St. Anthony for me.

Folks at practice have taken to calling me the Bionic Woman because I just keep bouncing back. Hopefully I won't have to do anymore to earn my nickname...

clay jars....

2008-07-30T00:32:00.000-07:00

If I've described this experience as humbling once, I must have done it a thousands time. I was proven right yet again last Saturday at the team workout. We all entered a local open water swim competition as a team. I wriggled into my wet suit and started the mile swim in relatively calm lake water - and promptly freaked out.

For a solid ten minutes I thrashed around kept thinking I was going to drown, windmilled my arms and thought about how bad I would looked when I had to be dragged back to shore by one of the life guards.

Finally I realized that whether or not I finished in last place, I was still stuck in the middle of a damn lake and I wasn't going anywhere for a while. I finally calmed down and surprisingly shifted down into a nice stroke pattern.

I finished the race in the solid middle - there were plenty of folks a head of me and plenty behind me (fun fact - i actually placed tenth out of the women) and then trotted off for my run.

Unfortunately I started running at 11am. Uphill. After having guzzled a bottle of strange sugary sports drink that promised to make my joints feel better.
Twenty minutes in I was fighting not to hyper ventilate and I knew if I kept running i'd pass out. So I started walking. I tried to alternate the rest of the way back but the stretched of walking soon got longer and longer. Finally I realized I was moving faster when I was walking.

I came home feeling totally demolished and wondering if i'd officially bitten off more than I could chew and trying to think of ways to talk my parents out of coming to see me on race day.

I've had a streak of confidence shakers these last few days - yesterday i ran over a great rusty nail which gave me a flat and managed to rip a chunk out of my back tire. A few days previous I found out some unsettling information about a man I used to date. Today I found out that the insurance company of the semi that hit me is denying my claim. When I was on the phone with the woman and told her that I'd be looking into further action because the police report had several facts incorrect she even started to mock me on the phone. "Just what exactly did you think you were doing? Do you even know how to drive? Do you think you can just make that a lane?" I stammered that I was following the car in front of me, embarrassed that a total stranger had not only told me that it was my fault a SEMI had hit me, but was now making fun of me.

I've done a lot of swallowing my pride which in turn has involved my favorite thing in the world - asking for help. My poor roommate Justin has now been forced to drive me to bike shops, help me cart around my scooter and will (hopefully) lend me his car to go to practice with tomorrow.

I keep waiting for it to get easier or for me to feel less useless when I'm doing it. So far no change so the prayers for that grace will continue....

All in all though grace comes in small places. From Justin hauling me around to Claire (the 8 time marathoner) telling me that she had a terrible run and almost passed out as well to the manager of the garage I had my scooter at not charging me for storage - I've been trying to see God's hands in this. The line from The Hound of Heaven runs through my mind a lot - "Was the darkness of my despair but the shadow of Your wing?"

I touch back to two things to stay grounded - scripture and the mission of Team in Training.

Last friday one of the readings was this one from 2 Corinthians
"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body."

At the end of the day, I'm just another clay jar and all of the things that make me worthwhile and all the good that comes from my life have nothing to do with how fast I can swim a mile or how well I work with insurance companies. The gifts we have, the good we do, and all that we are come from God.

This may seem a bit simplistic coming from a woman who's getting a graduate degree in theology but I never was the sharpest pencil in math class.

I recently found out a few days ago that the father of a woman who I consider a great mentor and friend was diagnosed with a form of Leukemia. He's just started his first round of chemo and its hitting him harm. Nothing I am going through could be as difficult as chemo or as terrifying as watching a parent or loved one start treatment for cancer. Every struggle I have in practice - and anywhere else really - is just another reminder that what we do this for - to raise money to find a cure for cancer. We do this so no family ever has to go through this again...

The Results...

2008-07-29T10:06:00.000-07:00

Votes are in -

Apparently no one thinks creaky joints are a sign of excessive triathlon training and only one person is concerned about the sudden increase in spandex in my wardrobe. However votes are split down the middle as to whether I should be more concerned about my tendency to run laps around the office or the fact that a lot of my food is coming from calorie concentrated goop.

What's worse, i'm starting to develop flavor preferences in the goop....

In other news, I ran over a fantastic looking rusty nail yesterday. The sudden pop and hissing sound my tire made as it deflated would have been cool if it wasn't for the fact that it meant i need a new tube and tire. But thankfully My Cousin Beth Is Cooler Than Your Cousin Beth handled the flat with grace and is now back up in working condition again with a new back tire that the bike promised would be "hecka tough."

Oh California, there are so many things to make fun of you for....

Also just in case you were wondering My Cousin Beth Is Cooler Than Your Cousin Beth is going by the nickname MCBICTYCB - just say "mc-bic-tic-b"

2008-07-28T16:45:00.000-07:00

Just because I want to make it abundantly clear that my awkwardness transcends into my athletic life....

But seriously, how great is the shot of my teammate staring at me with rapt attention clearly laughing at a joke?

Distance to date:

2008-07-24T22:15:00.000-07:00

Swim: 26400 meters (around 16 miles)
Bike: 219 miles
Run: 56 miles

A chink in the sarcastic armor.....

2008-07-23T22:54:00.000-07:00

Today at the team workout I was having a great time. I was the fastest woman, we were running along side the ocean, Coach Paul had adjusted my bike seat so it rode better than ever.....

All the sudden I fond myself randomly cheering and wooting at other team mates as I passed them.

I'm starting to become "Positive sporty team player girl".

Crap. This is gonna ruin my image....

The day job....

2008-07-22T12:06:00.000-07:00

So just a shot from my day job. Dad's really proud that I've gotten so good at using bull horns, but hasn't quite gotten over the fact that his daughter gets checks signed by the Teamsters and staff rallies for striking university custodians (who still aren't getting paid overtime even though their contract clearly shows they should).

Seriously though, bullhorns are heavy. That's how I get my bicep curls in...

A sport of privilege

2008-07-21T11:00:00.000-07:00

I was on a long bike ride a few days ago and stopped at a light next to a fellow biker. I was going through a predominantly poor and African American section of the city and the gentleman next to me was on a mountain bike seemed to be held together with duct tape and was too small for his 6' something frame.

"That's a nice ride...." he said. "Is it fast?"

"The bike is but I don't help it much..." I responded.

We proceeded to talk about what kind of bike it was, how heavy it was, and how much I paid for it. Although he was impressed I got it used for half its asking price, the gentleman shook his head and said, "I can't afford a bike that good. Got to make do with my piece of junk."

We pedaled off in separate directions, but the conversation bothered me. I've gotten nothing but positive (if slightly humbling) experiences from training for a triathlon, but it is definitely not an easily accessible sport.

There was the equipment - sure at first glance all you need is a bike, some shoes, and a swimsuit. However just as the man next to me pointed out, having a decent bike makes a HUGE difference and having a bike that fits you prevents injury. Also anyone that's bought a pair of running shoes knows that they aren't cheap either and a bad pair of shoes can severely screw up your feet. Finally a swimsuits basic, but most swims are in extremely cold open water. Buying a wetsuit keeps you buoyant and most importantly keeps you from getting hypothermia in cold water.
So even the basics aren't that basic.

Add on to that the extras. Any hobby has a market for accessories but triathlons are a sport retailers dream come true. As my mentor Holly counseled me "It's possible to go totally overboard and crazy with this stuff."

The rationale seems so logical. Tri-shorts because you can run and swim in them and they dry fast. Fancy socks to prevent blisters. Camelbak to stay hydrated. Anti-chap stuff to keep the wetsuit from chaffing. New sports bras. Pedal shoes. Aero bars. Speedometer. Entire outfits made of totally unnatural fibers.

Even Team in Training requires a level of financial solvency. I committed to raising money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma society and I'm happy to do so because it's a great cause. However, I've got a fantastic loving network of friends and family who are also doing ok financially and extra time this summer to organize little fundraisers. I don't have to work a second job to pay for gas or keep food on the table.

I'm able to do all of this and have this great experience because of my privilege. It bothers me that others can't. At the beginning of the summer I was talking to someone who pointed out that all the money being spent to train me could instead go straight to research to fight cancer. Initially I countered that I got into this because I wanted to do a triathlon - not raise money to cure cancer - and that if it hadn't been for the money spent on training me, I wouldn't be giving ANY money to LLS. Still as I bought a packaged of clif bars and thought briefly about getting a another sports bra, I couldn't help be struggle with the guilt on what I've spent.

Not really sure of an answer to this question, but I'm praying that God's using what he can of what I do give - whether that's money, time or talent - and that I have the courage to keep pushing myself to spend less and give more

Poll Results

2008-07-21T00:39:00.000-07:00

Everyone voted and apparently overwhelmingly I should be sporting my wetsuit along with flashy earrings on dates. A few folks would have liked to see me use it to further my underwater hockey career, but perhaps they like me, didn't realize how buoyant it is.

In exciting news we had our first open water swim on Saturday. Not only did I manage not to drown even without the aid of walls and lane lines, but I swam a little under a mile and then managed to immediately follow it up with a 4.5 miles run like it was nothing. I may be able to pull this triathlon business off after all....

WOW!

2008-07-17T21:03:00.000-07:00

Today I received a donation from an anonymous donor - for $1000! My jaw dropped and I involuntarily yelled out an expletive. I was at work and everyone heard me - but thankfully community organizers are gritty folks who were too curious what the cursing was about to be offended.

Whoever you are, THANK YOU!

And you thought I could't look stupider...

2008-07-14T15:42:00.000-07:00

Yup, that's a wet suit. Putting it on is sort of like dealing with a huge pair of panty hose that are made of rubber...

C.S. Lewis = Best writer ever

2008-07-09T17:40:00.001-07:00

I stumbled across this yesterday. it's the Lyrics to a song by a gal named Brooke Fraser, but she took them from the writings of C.S. Lewis. I enjoyed it and wanted to pass it along...

If I find in myself desires nothing in this world can satisfy
I can only conclude that I was not made for here
If the flesh that I fight is at best only light and momentary
Then of course I’ll feel nude when to where I’m destined I’m compared

Speak to me in the light of the dawn
Mercy comes with the morning
I will sigh and with all creation groan
As I wait for hope to come for me

Am I lost or just less found,
On the straight or on the roundabout of the wrong way?
Is this a soul that stirs in me,
Is it breaking free, wanting to come alive?

‘Cause my comfort would prefer for me to be numb
And avoid the impending birth
Of who I was born to become

For we, we are not long here
Our time is but a breath
So we better breathe it
And I, I was made to live
I was made to love
I was made to know you

Hope is coming for me

The Results....

2008-07-09T09:52:00.000-07:00

So after an intensive poll the results are in -

My bike will now be referred to as "My Cousin Beth Is Cooler Than Your Cousin Beth" or (MCBICTYCB)

The name won by a landslide, crushing its closest entry Baxter, by 9 votes. Poor Bacon is Delicious got a pity vote (from me) and Theovelox, latin for Godspeed, got totally rejected.

It just proves how cool Beth is.

Carie, Beth's sister wanted to have "My Cousin Carie is Cooler Than My Cousin Beth" included but the category was specifically filled with phrases from a dinner conversation, so I couldn't.

In other bike related news, MCBICTYCB is going to be getting more mileage than usual because my scooter has been totaled. After an unfortunate run in with a semi truck, Theo the scooter is down for the count. I'm just hoping the trucker's insurance company doesn't refuse liability.

As much as I'm down in the mouth about that, as my coworker pointed out "Who gets knocked off their scooter by a semi, dragged on the ground and walks away with bruises?"
It's yet another reminder that often God's grace is far grittier and less flashy than we expect.

It's easy to praise God for the winning lotto tickets. I'm just trying to be better about gratitude for walking away from another possible severe injury in one piece....

as promised....

2008-07-06T14:19:00.000-07:00

I had a few folks who said they'd like to see the bike they're voting to name - so as promised...

See Mom, it's got a water bottle...

You can also see the foot cages that made me fall on my butt...

We the People...

2008-07-04T23:16:00.000-07:00

Happy Independence Day Everyone!

A few quick notes before I turn in early tonight.

I recently put toe clips on my bike to help get more oomph out of my pedaling. I'm still getting used to them, especially getting out of them when the bike comes to a stop. Today I was out on a ride with my roomate and we came to a stop light. I however did not manage to get my feet out in time.

So I fell over. While I was stopped. In front of my roommate. And a bunch of people who laughed at me from their cars.

When I say training has been humbling, I'm not exaggerating.

Also I was reading over the Preamble to the Constitution today, as I tend to do on the 4th of July. Now I admit, I'm one of those kids who gets real worked up over how important citizenship is and I can rant from hours on the connections between civic virtues and religious ones, but today the words really struck me.

We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.

I think of how divided the country (and even my own life) can feel. And yet here at its core, what so many people have bled for and wept over, are simple powerful ideas of justice and peaceful country where the well being of others is lifted up and the gift of freedom is celebrated.

How often as people do we define ourselves as what we are not? How often do we point a finger, wrap ourselves in a flag (or and ideology) and scream at another claiming we are right and the only ones who deserve to claim this country for our own. I feel like I am constantly allowing myself to be polarized and pushed away from my neighbors.

"a more perfect Union" - There's so much power and promise for who we can become as a nation, who we must always continue to struggle to become. As a Christian, the themes of the Gospel echo in my ears as I read the Preamble, begging me to "let justice roll down like waters and righteousness like an ever-flowing stream."

So today, I hope like me you'll think about the treasure we have in the real American dream - the one that so many of our brothers and sisters are struggling for today. Not of excessive wealth, cheaper gas, or name brand shoes, but of safe and clean neighborhoods, fair and honest wages, and the blessings of Liberty - the ability to live their lives and raise their voices without fear.

Happy 4th and God bless the United States of America as He continues to bless the World...

Victory!

2008-07-02T22:28:00.000-07:00

Today I did things I could actually legitimately be paid for.

I made a flyer, several phone calls and rewrote some language on a press email that my supervisor said "sounded much snappier."

Yes!

Now to bring that same ferocity to my swimming form.... It's really hard to remember high elbows, full extension, rotating at the hips, gliding through the stroke AND breathing all at once...

2008-07-02T13:55:00.000-07:00

Just listened to this on NPR

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=91964687

More Photos

2008-06-30T01:16:00.000-07:00

Some more embarrassing shots. Yes I'm wearing shorts over my spandex. I'm not at that point yet.
I don't know I ever want to be at that point.

Poll update and picture

2008-06-30T00:49:00.000-07:00

So results from last week's poll are in -

No one thinks that Jesus would have played basketball and only one person believes he would have gone out for soccer. Several of you couldn't resist the Water of Life pun and opted for swimming, but in the end most people agreed that Jesus would have enjoyed the painstakingly slow paced of football.

Seriously - if prayers got answered at the pace of a college basketball game, it would be a different world.

In other news - it was recently brought to my attention that my bicycle is in a precarious state of being unnamed. My family has always been superstitious and believes in the importance of naming something to help take ownership of it.

But we all know I can agonize about stuff forever. So I've listed some naming options for the bike composed of phrase's that came up in conversation today. Please vote.

Fundraising Update

2008-06-27T01:16:00.001-07:00

As of today I've raised $875.00 - almost a fourth of my goal! A big thanks again to everyone who was able to donate!

If you have a few dollars burning a hole in your pocket, please consider helping me to reach my fund raising goal of $4000 The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. You can donate online at my page:

http://pages.teamintraining.org/sf/pactri08/shaarman

One Month Down

2008-06-27T00:58:00.001-07:00

Well friends if you can believe it I've been at this for a month. Here's the latest numbers from my training:

Distance to date:
Swim: 11600km
Bike: 105 miles
Run: 26 miles

As you can see I threw on some recent, exceptionally embarrassing pictures from recent work outs:

Yes I'm wearing spandex pants in this one... Be like Jesus and don't judge.

It's hard to believe I've been at this a month. My only regret has been that summer scheduling - being home, a conference and an unexpected job training in Chicago - have kept me from being at more team workouts. I really enjoy everyone on the team and to be honest their unrelenting positivity is a great breath of fresh air in my typically sarcastic life. When I chug around the track at team running practices and am great by several "You're doing great!" I find it hard not to buck up and push myself farther.

So far this has been a real challenge physically and mentally but I'm reaping the rewards of the discipline. That's discipline's carried over to my prayer life too. It's not much, but I am making more time to listen to God. Sure some of what I heard hasn't been easy or come with clear answers, but I'd rather hash this stuff out than keep ignoring it.

T-minus 11 weeks till race day...

More Photos

2008-06-26T23:58:00.000-07:00

"Really? You don't think I look good in this swim cap? I thought the no hair look was working for me...."

This is Lauren Bishopp with her mom Emma. Lauren is one of the main Honorees of our team. She's 9 and she's been battling Leukemia for the last two years. Lauren was showing us her Beads of Courage - the result of a program that gives children in the hospital a bead everytime they have a procedure done. She's has over 200 beads and that doesn't even include every time Lauren was given injections at home by her parents.

She's in remission right now and her parents are hopeful. They say that if she can manage to make it to her 13th birthday without another relapse that's a great sign the leukemia won't return...

Lauren's mom's voice cracked as she mentioned how much she wanted Lauren to have a normal childhood from here on out. Although Lauren's been a team honoree for a few years, for the first time BOTH of her parents Emma and Mike are participating with Team In Training with our team this summer.

I was thinking about that at the last team practice as I shared a pool lane with Mike. For him this training is so much more than a little athletic adventure. It's part of his daughter's fight for a normal life - and fight of thousands of others. Once again TNT's greater mission continues to humble me.

"I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing."

2008-06-22T18:14:00.000-07:00

I feel like all I've been doing lately is saying

"I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing."

I've been saying it at work, in my house, at TNT work outs and to God. In most of my daily endeavors I feel like I'm trying to make sense of a Chinese Newspaper - and I can't read Chinese. It started at work. I came back from the FTE conference and headed straight into my internship at EBASE - the East Bay Alliance for a Sustainable Economy. I'm there through a program called Seminary Summer through Interfaith Worker Justice. Essentially Seminary Students are given paid internships working on community organizing campaigns that usually revolve around fair labor issues. I'm working on the Port of Oakland Campaign (for a 8 minute explanation click here and just substitute "Oakland" for every mention of L.A.) which is really starting to kick into to gear and has the potential to improve the lives of a lot of people. I'm specifically assigned to interfaith outreach and involving more clergy members in the campaign. The only problem is I'm still trying to learn what I'm supposed to be doing. I've never worked with organizing before and I don't know any of the terms that are everyday lexicon.

I realized its been almost 7 years since I've felt like this. Not since I was a sophomore in college have I found myself in a place where I didn't have at least a vague idea of what I was supposed to be doing as soon as I started something. Since then I've had direct or similar experiences that have guided me through new adventures, but I'm running blind now I'm scared because numerous times in the office people have said how important it is that i'm there because the campaign is picking up.

My same chorus of "I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing," echoed at Saturday’s work out. I’ve missed the first two weeks of group workouts because I’ve been home and at conferences, so when I came to Saturday’s work out, everyone seemed to know exactly what they were supposed to be doing. Of course I got lost so I got there late and missed the introduction to whatever was going on. I got in the wrong lane for the swim workout and also found out that (surprise, surprise) my form is really off base. Apparently I’ve been swimming really inefficiently for the last years, which would explain why after a year of swimming 5 days a week, I still feel super slow.

Eventually I just started telling everyone that I didn’t know what I was supposed to do. I was immediately met with compassion and explanations. People seemed eager to let me know how things worked and wondered where I had been the weeks before. The more I said it, the better I felt. Other people told me that weren’t sure what was going either – they went out of their way to make my mistakes at practice (doing the wrong warm up, wearing Chacos to bike in instead of real shoes, not drinking enough water, riding too far on the work out) seem like common goofs, unconventional ideas or signs of dedication.

Somewhere around mile 10 on the bike ride, I made a connection. The day before I had been on the phone with a long time spiritual mentor and was filling her in on the last few months of my life, which had been marked with upheaval an rough transition. She told me that I sounded more alone that I had in a long time and I mentioned I’d been struggling lately to trust people after a series of heart breaking disappointments. Prayer was a struggle, and even though I was trying really hard to reconnect to God, I was plagued by doubts if there was even a point in believing in other people anymore.

“Just turn to Jesus. You’ve been battered bloody, you’re tired and alone. You’ve got no other options than to just turn to Him,” my mentor said. “Think of it this way – the blessing is that you’ve got no good excuse or reason to anything else any more.”

“Yeah but I don’t know how I’m supposed to do that….”

There is was again. The phrase seemed to be taking over my life and threatened to tie my hands and rob me of what little hope I had left.

So here I am on public record – God, I don’t know what I’m supposed to doing anymore. I don’t care if I look stupid or I’m wearing the wrong shoes or in the wrong lane, the wrong summer job, the wrong city or the wrong career.

So now You and everyone else knows. I’ll hang out in the mean time, keep pedaling, keep trying to hang on to the consolation from the FTE conference and keep listening.

Poll Results

2008-06-20T12:21:00.000-07:00

So it looks like the crowd is split -

People equally believe that running shoes are so ugly because they go so fast you can't see them and space age material comes in funny colors. What makes me really happy is someone agreed with me that if they designed shoes they'd put people in funny colors too.

A real post will follow later tonight. For now i'm off to buy spare bike tubes.

Proof

2008-06-20T12:04:00.000-07:00

Here's a lovely unattractive shot of me at the first team workout....

In the news!!

2008-06-15T22:36:00.000-07:00

So this doesn't entirely have to do with the triathlon but it's still exciting...

There was media coverage of our fellowship!!

http://www.miamiherald.com/367/v-morephotos/story/568131.html
- look for my pony tail in a picture

http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2008/jun/13/session-aims-to-fill-pulpits/

2008-06-11T11:10:00.001-07:00

Distance to date:
Swim: 4100km
Bike: 42 miles
Run: 6.5 miles

Setting a Pace.....

2008-06-09T19:04:00.000-07:00

This post is coming to you live from Atlanta, Georgia. I'm on the campus of Emory University at a conference for a fellowship that I was awarded. I'm gathered here with 20 other seminary students who just finished their first year and we're learning more of what it means to do ministry, how to do it well and what God has to say about leadership.

Essentially I'm hanging out with 19 brilliant / inspired people. It's shaping up to be a fine, fine week.

I think I made a major step today in my own life. With what limited free time I had today, I actually voluntarily asked to have the exercise room in the dorm we are staying in opened. Despite every reason to just take a nap, I ran on the treadmill and did my training today. That's the thing about discipline - it sneaks up on you. Thomas Aquinas talked a lot about the importance of discipline when it came to building virtue. Despite our tendency to pull towards shadow and darkness, he always argued that we should do good things and be virtuess, even if our hearts weren't in it. Virtue builds on virtue. Keep in the habit and in the discipline and one day you'll wake up and find you've started to become virtuous after all.

I like St. Thomas. He gives me hope that you can always be better than your worst moment or thought.

Scary thing is today I actually enjoyed running. The treadmill helped me keep a good pace and I found myself chugging along with a smile on my face.

It feels like my life's been missing good pacing for a while - a steady rhythm of prayer, good questions and trust. Hopefully I'll get back on track...

2008-06-06T21:34:00.000-07:00

Distance to date:
Swim: 4100km
Bike: 29 miles
Run: 3 miles

Running and Humidity = the 8th circle of hell

2008-06-05T09:44:00.000-07:00

I think i lose about 8 pounds in sweat alone. I do not understand how people run in Louisville in the summer time - I even waited till 7pm and it was still borderline unbearable. Never again will I laugh at those cross country kids running in packs...

Running was painful but I do have to admit I felt great (mentally) after I finished. Also I think having special swishy running shorts helped. Similar to the 'uniform' effect, I think they helped convince me that running would be easier than it was. It funny how sometimes it takes small external signs to convince us of inward potential. Maybe I should start wearing a T-Shirt that says "Lottery Winner".....

The gospel yesterday was the one where Jesus is asked if its lawful to pay taxes and he responds saying "give to caeser what is caeser's and to God what is God's." I've heard a lot of different interpretations of this passage in my theological education, but the reflection question that was paired with it took me by surprise.

"Think about how Jesus answered this question. What questions do you have for Jesus? How does he answer them?"

I looked at the passage again with, this time not paying attention to the political or social implications of Jesus' answer, but instead how he answered it. In typical Jesus fashion, he didn't really answer the question directly, but instead pointed toward something else. He never actually told the people whether or not they should pay taxes, but instead asked them to start thinking less about money and temporal matters and more about who their lives truly belonged to and the repercussions it would have.

Those sort of non-answers drive me a little crazy. Thinking about questions reminded me of a recent occasion when I was on a student panel helping to interview someone for an administrative position for my school. Everytime I'm in these situations, I take a page from my father and ask a very hard question. He always said, "I'm not interested in how well you can spin what you want me to hear, I want to know what you'll do when the chips are down."

I asked the woman what she would say to a student who was questioning if there was even a point in ministry at all. She danced around a response for a few minutes and finally said, "I can't answer that questions because there is no answer to that."

"Yeah, I know, but what are you going to say?" I demanded.

I feel like lately I've been having the same interactions with Jesus. I've been coming to him with hard questions and I'm not getting answers. I know prayer and faith isn't like a magic 8 ball and if I had the option to know, I honestly wouldn't take it. But I have to stop ignoring the rest of the response. I'm not getting the straight response I'm looking for, but Jesus is still inviting me to a much deeper and fuller life if I listen to how he's answering.

But seriously Jesus, is there really a point to running if you aren't being chased by something?

Distance to date:
Swim: 1200km
Bike: 8 miles
Run: 3 miles

Training Day Two

2008-06-03T19:15:00.000-07:00

Day two of training: swimming day today so i'm still in my comfort zone.

I'm a little sore today, but I think this might be because of playing Wii Boxing at a bar a few nights ago. I was getting a little over-enthusiastic throwing my right hook. At some people in time a random dude who was three beers past being rational wanted to play me for money.
After Patrick and I won twenty bucks off of him I had a moment where I realized I was either the biggest loser or the coolest person I know.

Susan's News Flash of the Week: There's going to put radioactive stuff inside a mountain. We need to be paying attention. Read more here.

Distance to date:
Swim: 1200km
Bike: 8 miles
Run: none (ahh sweet, sweet not running....)

Poll Results....

2008-06-03T19:06:00.001-07:00

so the votes are in - I will most likely be yelling the following while running:

"arrgh...Theotokos!!"

Which is a sad theology joke - it's latin for "Mother of God" - which I tend to yell a lot.

Props to Brian who reminded me that "Like she'd actually have air left to run..." should have been an option

One down - a bunch more to go....

2008-06-02T11:29:00.001-07:00

First day of training. Done and Done.

So I'm a little sad that I won't get to work out with everyone else on the team for two weeks (i'm home for a week and then at a conference in Atlanta next week), but things are going well. Yesterdays work out was fine and I learned a something very profound about myself.

When I ride a stationary bike for an hour, my butt goes numb.

It's hard to believe I've gone so many years without this insight. Thank God.

On a more serious note, the reading of the day were the part in the gospel when Jesus tells his disciples to lay down their burdens. The whole reflection revolved around trying to figure out what burdens you need to lay down. I felt incredibly weighed down for the past month. Coming home and just getting away from Berkeley has helped a lot, but I'm nervous about what happens when I go back. Sometimes it feels like I don't even know where to start...

But just like biking until I can't feel my ass is the first step to running a triathlon, then maybe just knowing there are things in my life I want to walk away from is a good way to begin...

First Donation!!!!

2008-05-27T22:30:00.001-07:00

I got my first donation! Woo hooo. I officially did a little party dance in the living room. It looked like this, but without the trombone. In all seriousness though, I'm totally humbled at the genorosity of my friends and family, especially with their time and thoughts. I got so many wonderful responses to the email I sent from people saying they are excited for me and praying for me. And I'm pumped all the money is going to such a good cause.

I think i'm going to go try to learn that dance for my cousin Beth's wedding now....

I already feel a little lame...

2008-05-22T17:11:00.000-07:00

A friend sent me this today....
76 year old nuns running triathlons - Holy Christmas....

Nun can't kick this habit

By John Meyer
Denver Post Staff Writer

Article Last Updated: 07/17/2007 10:58:59 AM MDT

She has lost count of the triathlons she has done, but it's more than 300, including "about 33" Ironmans. At age 75, she became the oldest woman to finish the Kailua-Kona Ironman World Championship, and she did it again a year later.

So, Sister Madonna Buder wasn't about to let multiple fractures in her left elbow prevent her from training for the USA Triathlon Age Group Championships last month.

Buder, who became a nun in 1953 and says she trains "religiously," suffered a triple fracture of the ulna and a single fracture of the radius when another biker crashed into her during California's Wildflower Triathlon on May 6. She continued to train and made it to nationals, completing the Olympic distance (1.5-kilometer swim, 40K bike ride and 10K run) in 3 hours, 50 minutes, 37 seconds. Nine days later she did a half-Ironman. On Sunday, she's scheduled to compete in Colorado's premier triathlon, the Boulder Peak.

Buder sent an e-mail to Boulder Peak organizer Barry Siff shortly after she was injured.

"All she cared about was continuing to train for nationals and the Boulder Peak," Siff said. "She was looking for a doctor's OK to continue training and racing. It wasn't about fixing her elbow, it was about training and racing. That's the kind of spirit and drive she has.

"She spreads the message of positive spirit, inspiration and love to a lot of people."

Buder was 49 when she began running and ran about three dozen marathons before taking up triathlons. The Spokane, Wash., resident has finished the Hawaii Ironman 17 times. She completed her first Ironman in New Zealand in 1986.

"The whole idea of the finishing line was like reaching those Pearly Gates," Buder said. "That would always draw me on to the finish for an Ironman. It was so symbolic of reaching your final reward, the thought of giving up never, ever occurred to me."

In the beginning ...

Buder discovered the joy of running in the late 1970s on a retreat, thanks to a priest who was an evangelist for running.

"He went on (like) it was the panacea for everything," Buder said. "It helped depression, it helped diabetes, it helped addictions, he just went on and on. I said to myself, 'I thought that's what prayer was for."'

She went out that night and ran about half a mile. She continued running when she got back to Spokane, and one day a poster advertising the Lilac Bloomsday race caught her eye. It was the early days of that pioneering race, which has since grown to Bolder Boulder proportions - 40,362 finished this year.

A picture of the previous year's race made it look unappealing.

"It was a herd of people running, and I'm thinking, 'It's hard enough to run without elbowing through a herd of people.' I was just rejecting that whole idea."

But she soon learned a brother's marriage was in jeopardy because of his alcoholism. She said she made a deal with God, offering her suffering in the race in exchange for the grace her brother would need to stop drinking. Despite swollen knees, tight calves and blisters from training in the wrong shoes, she ran the 12K race on five weeks' training.

"The race itself was a resurrection," Buder said. "It started at noon, it was a beautiful, 70-degree day and the crowd just pulled you along."

She decided to keep doing races on a monthly basis to stay in shape because she didn't want to go through the agony of starting from scratch again.

"I thought I would stop this foolishness when I was 60," said Buder, who turns 77 next week.

A miraculous finish

She had an epic finish in the Hawaii Ironman last October. She was slow in the 2.4-mile swim and fought her way through a rainstorm in the 112-mile bike race, which put her further off pace. She lost track of time in the transition between the bike and the marathon, losing 28 minutes. During the marathon, she battled stomach problems that prevented her from taking in nourishment. She fought her way through a downpour and slipped on a curb and fell during the storm.

She began to realize it would take a miracle to finish by the mandatory 17-hour cutoff, but she thought about a nephew who died a month earlier.

"I said: 'Lord, you know and I know it's going to take a miracle to get me into the finish line. You know I've been asking for some confirmation that my nephew is in the right place. Give him this assignment. If I get in, I will know without a doubt he is OK."'

The crowd went wild when Buder crossed the finish line with 57 seconds to spare and fell into the arms of a woman who hung a lei around her neck.

"When I stood up, I could see the time on the screen: 16 hours, 59 minutes and 3 seconds," Buder said. "I said, 'Oh, my God, it's a miracle!' It was a finish I'll never forget."

http://www.denverpost.com/ci_6391312

Starting the Journey for the Right Reasons

2008-05-21T23:01:00.001-07:00

Hello friends,

I know for some of you, it’s been a while since I’ve been in touch. I just wanted everyone to know that I, Susan Haarman, life long indoor kid, will be doing a triathlon.

That’s right – a triathlon. On September 13^th 2008, I will run the Olympic Distance Triathlon at Pacific Grove. I’ll swim for .93 miles, then I’ll immediately go bike for 24.8 miles, and then I’ll immediately run for 6.2 miles.

I am participating with Team in Training (TNT) of the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society to compete in the Triathlon at Pacific Grove. In exchange for commitment to raise funds to help find a cure for the leukemia, lymphoma, Hodgkin’s disease, myeloma and other blood-related cancers, I get intensive training and support from triathlon coaches and a personal mentor. I pity the person who’s gonna try to make me like running.

Honestly I’d been thinking about doing a triathlon for a while. Since coming to California, I’d made some good choice health wise – I’ve quit smoking and now swim a mile five days a week. Doing something athletic seemed like a great way to fight off my quarter life crisis. I figured I’d run a triathlon so I felt like I’d actually achieved something in my 25 years on earth. BUT THAT’S JUST WHERE THIS STORY STARTS.

A few months ago my life started hitting some serious snags. I’d begun to question whether or not I should have gone into law school instead of theology school. I’d been dumped out of nowhere by a man I thought I had a long term future with. I was tired of school, I was hurting from a painful and confusing breakup, I was knee deep in self pity and all I could think about was MYself and MY pain. I decided to do Team in Training because it would make ME feel better.

But then something happened…

I began to read the statistics on Leukemia and Lymphoma.

Ø Leukemia is the #1 killer of children under the age of 15

Ø Every 5 minutes, another child or adult is diagnosed with a blood-related cancer

Ø Every 9 minutes, another child or adult is expected to die from a blood-related cancer

Ø Research is working---25 years ago, only 5% of children diagnosed with leukemia survived; today the survival rate is 81%

As I mentioned my plans to others, people began to tell me the stories of the people in their own lives who had suffered from blood cancer and related diseases. I heard stories of heroism, suffering, untimely loss, but most of all courage and love.

I’m beginning to realize that me finishing an Olympic Triathlon is not the point of Team in Training. This was never about me and it isn’t going to be from now on.. I’m doing this, not for myself, but to help find a cure for cancer.

The next three months, I’ll face some definite challenges. Running in particular makes me nervous. I make it a point not to run unless I’m being chased by things, like bears or oncoming trains. But those challenges are nothing compared to the physical and emotional challenges faced by a person going through cancer treatments or the emotional challenges faced by the supporters of a cancer patient.

I’m excited to be starting this three and half month journey and even more exciting to be starting it for what now feels like the right reasons. Your support and prayers are going to be essential in the days to come (especially on running days). I for my part want to go out of my way to keep you informed about how training is going and keep my focus on why I’m really doing this. As a result, I’ll be blogging (that’s keeping an online journal for my not-so-tech-savvy father) about my training. Starting June 1st, I’ll be updating http://susanhaarman.blogspot.com every few days. I’ll talk about my training, being on a team, and in general how this process is changing me. I hope you’ll check in on me and make sure I’m focused on the real goal – finding a cure for cancer.

Hopefully, one day there will be a cure for all types of cancer but until then I will be changing lives one mile at a time. I have set a personal fundraising goal of $4,000 to help cancer patients and their families. I hope to raise this amount by August 15th, 2008.

If you would like to help change lives and make a 100% tax deductible contribution to the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society or learn more about LLS, please visit my website at http://pages.teamintraining.org/sf/pactri08/shaarman

Please feel free to forward this on to anyone who may be interested. Remember your donation is 100% tax deductible.

Of course you can send in your contribution any time, right up until race day, September 13th, 2008 (you can even donate more than once! Jesus will love you!). A minimum of 75% of your contribution goes directly to research and patient programs. 100% of your moral support and well wishes goes directly to me.

The Basics

2008-05-21T21:42:00.001-07:00

Hey Everyone - here's some basics about what I'm doing and why -

Team in Training
http://www.teamintraining.org/sf/

Leukemia and Lymphoma Society
http://www.lls.org/hm_lls

The Race
http://www.tricalifornia.com/index.cfm/PG2008-main.htm

Daily Prayer
http://www.pray-as-you-go.org/

JVC Year

2008-05-21T21:40:00.000-07:00

to see the blog I kept during my JVC year in Houston 04-05 go to

www.livejournal.com/users/susanjvc/